They got me. They got me good. Those damn Anti-Snow people. And the weather people. All day yesterday and last night they virtually guaranteed 7-10" for me. Then this morning I awoke and found the weatherman casually (and mockingly) saying we will only get 3-6" as if they never ever said anything about 7-10"! I know I didn't dream it! Oh, they got me good!
Is there anyway for me to sue the weather people for malicious and intentional infliction of emotional and psychological distress for all the years of manipulating, lying, taunting, teasing, and jerking me around regarding snow?
Oh, right, a magical pocket of dry air just happened to appear over our region during the night. How convenient. But this is what always happens. Every single time. They build it up -- first a chance a winter weather, then maybe a few inches, then definitely a few inches, then possible double-digits, then definitely double-digits, then promises of 3 feet of snow and polar bears roaming the interstate! And then at the last minute.....a dusting.....
Those of us in the know are fully aware that such magical pockets of air are the work of the vile Anti-Snow Machine! Someday I shall destroy that menace! And then the good people of our region shall be free to enjoy the fruits of winter's glory!
Right now as I type this there is not a flake falling outside. It's all conveniently evaporating before it hits the ground. (Yes, as a future chemical engineer I should probably know the science behind that part, but instead they'd rather teach me nonsense like derivatives and error calculations...but that's another rant) Meanwhile - Nashville, TN has snow on the ground (and probably some Pants on the ground too....)! It always gets me irate when locations to the south of me have snow and I don't! Texas has gotten so much snow this year it is absolutely ridiculous! All I've gotten is a lousy inch! One rotten inch!
What is gained by preventing snowfall in our area? Is it merely a personal vendetta against me? An arbitrarily chosen experiment to manipulate and confound me or the populace in general? A massive public manipulation designed to control our reactions? Whatever the goal...the Anti-Snow Machine must be stopped...
So all you Anti-Snow people out there....laugh it up...enjoy it...but my vengeance shall be had. In this life or the next. The Anti-Snow Machine will be destroyed and winter shall blanket this land in its white comforting hand. And I shall laugh as your tears freeze on your faces. You will stand at your windows, crying out at the savagery of winter's wrath. Watch as I dance around a bonfire upon 2 feet of packed snow under a snow-filled sky with all the wolves and bears and others who welcome the glory of Mother Nature's colder season. Fear shall embrace your icy hearts and the gleam in our eyes will haunt your midnight thoughts. Where will your broken Anti-Snow Machine - your man-made false god - be then? We shall fashion trinkets from its pieces and give them to the children as a reminder of the power of Mother Nature and the unflinching hunger for control and power of man. All evils - greed, socialism, etc - shall be buried under the eternal snow. Laziness and idiocy shall be shamed out of the culture. The space program will be fully funded and allowed to flourish (**cough** obama's flatlining NASAs budget - not surprising considering his ideological contempt for the space program - also a huge insult and embarrassment for our country). We shall all learn to welcome the onslaught of snow each winter. All will set aside the mad self-destructive obsession of only caring about their working lives. We shall once again remember what truly matters in life -- those whom we love and the things which bring joy to our hearts - not mission statements and reports and resumes and glad-handing and sales calls. Feuding pets shall make peace with each other. Weather people shall make amends for their role in the manipulation in service of the Anti-Snow Machine. I shall run with the wolves across snowy tree-lined fields and ice covered lakes. I shall have my vengeance. I shall have my peace.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
"You tell'em I'm coming - and snow's coming with me!"
Yes, folks! SNOW! Let the Anti-Snow Contingent moan and wail and gnash their teeth! Snow is imminent! By this time tomorrow night there could be between 7-10 inches on the ground right here in my backyard...and frontyard.... It shall be a glorious day of snowfall all day tomorrow!
Earlier as the local news went through the weather report I actually found myself walking around the house trash-talking no one in particular. Perhaps my barbs were aimed at all those who work tirelessly to keep snow away from our region with their prized asset - the Anti-Snow Machine. And perhaps someone finally succeeded in sabotaging that dreadful device....(cue evil laughter)
This afternoon I ventured forth to Wal-Mart to watch the traditional panicked pillaging of the milk and bread sections. Why do people feel the need to stock up on perishables? If the power goes out, do you really want a bunch of milk and bread laying around? Of course, that didn't stop me from getting milk (I was out) and eggs (i'll need breakfast as i enjoy watching the snow cascade onto the once dreary landscape and quietly chuckle with laughter at the Anti-Snow people who are undoubtedly cursing at their windows). Wal-Mart was surprisingly sane and relatively calm despite being fairly crowded. The gas stations were another matter. I steered clear of those. People were in lines filling not just their vehicles, but gas cans as well. The lessons learned from last year's ice storm have not faded. Wait a minute....I think our generator is still broken....well....that's awfully useful.
Okay...I'll check back in with you all tomorrow...and to rub it in the faces of all the Anti-Snow people....
Earlier as the local news went through the weather report I actually found myself walking around the house trash-talking no one in particular. Perhaps my barbs were aimed at all those who work tirelessly to keep snow away from our region with their prized asset - the Anti-Snow Machine. And perhaps someone finally succeeded in sabotaging that dreadful device....(cue evil laughter)
This afternoon I ventured forth to Wal-Mart to watch the traditional panicked pillaging of the milk and bread sections. Why do people feel the need to stock up on perishables? If the power goes out, do you really want a bunch of milk and bread laying around? Of course, that didn't stop me from getting milk (I was out) and eggs (i'll need breakfast as i enjoy watching the snow cascade onto the once dreary landscape and quietly chuckle with laughter at the Anti-Snow people who are undoubtedly cursing at their windows). Wal-Mart was surprisingly sane and relatively calm despite being fairly crowded. The gas stations were another matter. I steered clear of those. People were in lines filling not just their vehicles, but gas cans as well. The lessons learned from last year's ice storm have not faded. Wait a minute....I think our generator is still broken....well....that's awfully useful.
Okay...I'll check back in with you all tomorrow...and to rub it in the faces of all the Anti-Snow people....
Friday, January 8, 2010
"Like winning 10 cents in the lottery"
That's what gettting an inch of snow is like - according to Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes - the greatest comic strip of all time) and I've often quoted that line over the years. It applies once again to the results of our "winter storm" from the other night. For those not familiar with the reaction of Kentuckians to the possibility of snow, it goes something like this:
A day or two before the "winter weather" is predicted to arrive, people flock to grocery stores and clean out the bread, milk, and egg shelves. Mind you - this is the case for ALL degrees of winter storms - from a major 8-12 inch snow storm, to an ice storm, and even (as in this case) a 1-3 inch mild snowfall. News reporters will be stationed along main roads, parking lots, and gas stations giving live updates of the treacherous conditions. Citizens will be warned to stock up on supplies and stay off the roads (unless of course, you go to my school, in which case you will be expected to arrive on time despite the 12 inches of snow, 6 inches of ice, roaming packs of zombies, and 300 foot tall alien robots wreaking havoc). As the threat of the inch or two of snow looms closer, the grocery and hardware stores will be flooded with wild-eyed folks desperately picking through what's left of the foodstuffs, ice scrapers, and shovels. All talk will be of the impending doom and catastrophic calamity that will surely keep everyone trapped in their homes for weeks to come. This occurs even when the "storm" will surely be nothing more than an inch or two of snow...just as it was the other night. And yet - all schools closed, businesses - even doctor's offices! Normally I'm a major proponent of shutting down society for the sake of snow and having a Utopia-like celebration...but yesterday even I would have felt no need to call of classes and shut down the region. (And if I'm the one saying that, then that's really significant!)
You know what I long for? I would really like to hear the weather-people talk positively about snow for once. Like -- not get so upbeat and happy when the snow misses us or less falls than is expected. I want to hear things like "well, darn, it doesn't look like we're going to get all that much snow after all. But hey - we tried our best! There's still plenty of winter left, so we have more opportunities to get that solid 10 inch storm!"
Switching gears...I finally got around to picking up the Them Crooked Vultures album. For those who don't know - this is a side project featuring Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters, Josh Homme of Queens of the Stone Age, and John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin. And yes, it sounds just like a blend of all three. Really really REALLY cool stuff! One can almost literally pinpoint certain strains of each members' style running through the songs. The song "Mind Eraser No Chaser" is one that gets lodged in your head for the entire day - be careful not to burn yourself out. I was a little cautious about what to expect at first, but was pleasantly blown away upon giving it a full listen.
That's all for today....2 blogs in 3 days...I'm spoiling you guys....
A day or two before the "winter weather" is predicted to arrive, people flock to grocery stores and clean out the bread, milk, and egg shelves. Mind you - this is the case for ALL degrees of winter storms - from a major 8-12 inch snow storm, to an ice storm, and even (as in this case) a 1-3 inch mild snowfall. News reporters will be stationed along main roads, parking lots, and gas stations giving live updates of the treacherous conditions. Citizens will be warned to stock up on supplies and stay off the roads (unless of course, you go to my school, in which case you will be expected to arrive on time despite the 12 inches of snow, 6 inches of ice, roaming packs of zombies, and 300 foot tall alien robots wreaking havoc). As the threat of the inch or two of snow looms closer, the grocery and hardware stores will be flooded with wild-eyed folks desperately picking through what's left of the foodstuffs, ice scrapers, and shovels. All talk will be of the impending doom and catastrophic calamity that will surely keep everyone trapped in their homes for weeks to come. This occurs even when the "storm" will surely be nothing more than an inch or two of snow...just as it was the other night. And yet - all schools closed, businesses - even doctor's offices! Normally I'm a major proponent of shutting down society for the sake of snow and having a Utopia-like celebration...but yesterday even I would have felt no need to call of classes and shut down the region. (And if I'm the one saying that, then that's really significant!)
You know what I long for? I would really like to hear the weather-people talk positively about snow for once. Like -- not get so upbeat and happy when the snow misses us or less falls than is expected. I want to hear things like "well, darn, it doesn't look like we're going to get all that much snow after all. But hey - we tried our best! There's still plenty of winter left, so we have more opportunities to get that solid 10 inch storm!"
Switching gears...I finally got around to picking up the Them Crooked Vultures album. For those who don't know - this is a side project featuring Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters, Josh Homme of Queens of the Stone Age, and John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin. And yes, it sounds just like a blend of all three. Really really REALLY cool stuff! One can almost literally pinpoint certain strains of each members' style running through the songs. The song "Mind Eraser No Chaser" is one that gets lodged in your head for the entire day - be careful not to burn yourself out. I was a little cautious about what to expect at first, but was pleasantly blown away upon giving it a full listen.
That's all for today....2 blogs in 3 days...I'm spoiling you guys....
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Hello, 2010...just yesterday you seemed infinitely far away
Hey 2010...you see your buddy 2009 over there? Yeah....he doesn't look so hot, does it? Nope. That's uh...that's gonna be you in a year if you don't watch your step. I'm not one to be trifled with. Do you know what the motto for last year was? No? It was "2009 - The Year of Vengeance." Yeah. Let that sink in. Haven't come up with a motto for you yet, though...
Oh, hello readers...didn't see you there....if you don't put a new year in its place right away it can become headstrong and disrespectful.
So I know I took a few weeks off from this thing. Seems like I took a couple weeks off of everything. And that's probably a good thing. I'm supposed to be working on a project for a professor before the new semester begins (in about 5 days), but ever since Christmas I've plateaued and not much has been accomplished. I figured I would make a lot of headway this week...however, I keep getting caught up running errands and wallowing in the mire of unmotivation. And, of course, there is the condition many of us know all too well - Procrastination. Why do we do it? I suppose it has to do with what one infamous professor always asks us - "are you a carrot or a stick person?" And unless I'm truly interested in something, I need a giant stick swinging down to crush my bones.
What hasn't helped this week is that I went online and looked at the course webpages for some of this semester's classes. (Cue ominous 1950s horror movie music) Looks like there's going to be lots of horrific computer programming.....I absolutely HATE that stuff....why on earth do they insist on making things harder than they need to be -- more complicated and confusing? Why not try to simplify things? OH NO! Let's make computers so that you need to know a dozen asinine, complex, and unnecessarily obtuse computer languages so that you can physically type in outrageously long, complicated, and tedious commands for each tiny little thing you want the computer to do! Here's a shocking idea -- how about making it so that you just tell the computer in plain English what you want it to do? Or maybe have voice-recognition software so that you simply TELL the computer what you want? "Hey, stupid computer -- I want you to use the Bernoulli equation to solve for stupid velocity with the following stupid variables! Can you stupid handle that??!?!?!"
What makes it worse is that the other fellows at school LOVE this stuff. They eat it up like Oreo cookies first thing in the morning (I could eat a box of those things upon waking). "Oh boy, FORTRAN and Visual Basic! Integrating codes between Excel and POLYMATH! This is fun and easy and helpful! C'mon Rick, you know how to do this! What's that? Telling the computer what you want? HAHAHA - that's just silly! Typing in inhumanly long and ridiculous codes is way better!"
Soooo.....in other news....we might be getting our first touch of snow for the season tonight and tomorrow. Only a couple of inches at best....but better than the nothing we've gotten thus far along with watching such places as New Mexico and Dallas get hit with winter weather while we alternate between 45 and torrential downpours for days on end OR 20 degrees and windy with blue skies. Of course, there's always the local weather station's Anti-Snow Machine to contend with. The Anti-Snow Machine (as you all know) creates a magical bubble of clear air, above-freezing temps, or otherwise removes the presence of snow from an area as large as the viewing area or as small as my personal location. So while all the area outside the magical bubble ceases the misery of their daily grind and runs out to frolic in a harmonious Utopia of snow and Christmas songs and talking snowmen and animated rabbits and smiles and hot chocolate and sledding (and not to mention everyone suddenly lives in a forest preserve like in Calvin and Hobbes...in fact, most of my idyllic visions of life are somehow related to that comic strip...) and peace on Earth and blah blah blah blah blah --- meanwhile, I'm standing at the window watching rain come down as the tv turns itself on and the weatherman or weatherwoman or weathermonster or weatherbear or weathercoffeemaker or weatherwoodchuck appears on the screen taunting me by name and using foul language to demean me as he/she/it has the camera follow them outside to roll around in the snow and then write "Eat it, Rick" in the snow itself. Of course, later on follows the pretentious pandering to the audience during the regular broadcast,"oh, gee, it was just so strange, we got lucky and the snow just dissipated over our area! We never could have predicted that! Who knew?"
Hmm....perhaps I should go eat something....like many people, I have a medical tendency to have low blood sugar if I don't eat regularly...many other people completely dismiss this and do not take it seriously when I say "I can't skip a meal." They think it's just me being dramatic or something. But no - you don't understand...I....can't....skip...a meal. From a health standpoint, I HAVE to keep myself fed regularly. No food = no glucose getting to the brain = inability to function like a normal human being. So when my class schedule comes out and two days a week we have a 6 hour block of nonstop classes from 11-5 with no lunch break and people laugh when I say that this is a serious problem - I can get a little annoyed. "Oh, just go eat some computer programming - that'll make you feel better - who needs food when you can stare at idiotic computer languages?"
Alright, well....looks like I started off the new year of blogging with a low-blood-sugar induced diatribe about various annoyances. I'm sure you all totally enjoyed that and don't want your money back. Oh...I mean...no....your credit cards are so NOT being charged automatically each time you view my page....that's just a ridiculous idea...like low blood sugar...or computer programming...or an Anti-Snow Machine...
Oh, hello readers...didn't see you there....if you don't put a new year in its place right away it can become headstrong and disrespectful.
So I know I took a few weeks off from this thing. Seems like I took a couple weeks off of everything. And that's probably a good thing. I'm supposed to be working on a project for a professor before the new semester begins (in about 5 days), but ever since Christmas I've plateaued and not much has been accomplished. I figured I would make a lot of headway this week...however, I keep getting caught up running errands and wallowing in the mire of unmotivation. And, of course, there is the condition many of us know all too well - Procrastination. Why do we do it? I suppose it has to do with what one infamous professor always asks us - "are you a carrot or a stick person?" And unless I'm truly interested in something, I need a giant stick swinging down to crush my bones.
What hasn't helped this week is that I went online and looked at the course webpages for some of this semester's classes. (Cue ominous 1950s horror movie music) Looks like there's going to be lots of horrific computer programming.....I absolutely HATE that stuff....why on earth do they insist on making things harder than they need to be -- more complicated and confusing? Why not try to simplify things? OH NO! Let's make computers so that you need to know a dozen asinine, complex, and unnecessarily obtuse computer languages so that you can physically type in outrageously long, complicated, and tedious commands for each tiny little thing you want the computer to do! Here's a shocking idea -- how about making it so that you just tell the computer in plain English what you want it to do? Or maybe have voice-recognition software so that you simply TELL the computer what you want? "Hey, stupid computer -- I want you to use the Bernoulli equation to solve for stupid velocity with the following stupid variables! Can you stupid handle that??!?!?!"
What makes it worse is that the other fellows at school LOVE this stuff. They eat it up like Oreo cookies first thing in the morning (I could eat a box of those things upon waking). "Oh boy, FORTRAN and Visual Basic! Integrating codes between Excel and POLYMATH! This is fun and easy and helpful! C'mon Rick, you know how to do this! What's that? Telling the computer what you want? HAHAHA - that's just silly! Typing in inhumanly long and ridiculous codes is way better!"
Soooo.....in other news....we might be getting our first touch of snow for the season tonight and tomorrow. Only a couple of inches at best....but better than the nothing we've gotten thus far along with watching such places as New Mexico and Dallas get hit with winter weather while we alternate between 45 and torrential downpours for days on end OR 20 degrees and windy with blue skies. Of course, there's always the local weather station's Anti-Snow Machine to contend with. The Anti-Snow Machine (as you all know) creates a magical bubble of clear air, above-freezing temps, or otherwise removes the presence of snow from an area as large as the viewing area or as small as my personal location. So while all the area outside the magical bubble ceases the misery of their daily grind and runs out to frolic in a harmonious Utopia of snow and Christmas songs and talking snowmen and animated rabbits and smiles and hot chocolate and sledding (and not to mention everyone suddenly lives in a forest preserve like in Calvin and Hobbes...in fact, most of my idyllic visions of life are somehow related to that comic strip...) and peace on Earth and blah blah blah blah blah --- meanwhile, I'm standing at the window watching rain come down as the tv turns itself on and the weatherman or weatherwoman or weathermonster or weatherbear or weathercoffeemaker or weatherwoodchuck appears on the screen taunting me by name and using foul language to demean me as he/she/it has the camera follow them outside to roll around in the snow and then write "Eat it, Rick" in the snow itself. Of course, later on follows the pretentious pandering to the audience during the regular broadcast,"oh, gee, it was just so strange, we got lucky and the snow just dissipated over our area! We never could have predicted that! Who knew?"
Hmm....perhaps I should go eat something....like many people, I have a medical tendency to have low blood sugar if I don't eat regularly...many other people completely dismiss this and do not take it seriously when I say "I can't skip a meal." They think it's just me being dramatic or something. But no - you don't understand...I....can't....skip...a meal. From a health standpoint, I HAVE to keep myself fed regularly. No food = no glucose getting to the brain = inability to function like a normal human being. So when my class schedule comes out and two days a week we have a 6 hour block of nonstop classes from 11-5 with no lunch break and people laugh when I say that this is a serious problem - I can get a little annoyed. "Oh, just go eat some computer programming - that'll make you feel better - who needs food when you can stare at idiotic computer languages?"
Alright, well....looks like I started off the new year of blogging with a low-blood-sugar induced diatribe about various annoyances. I'm sure you all totally enjoyed that and don't want your money back. Oh...I mean...no....your credit cards are so NOT being charged automatically each time you view my page....that's just a ridiculous idea...like low blood sugar...or computer programming...or an Anti-Snow Machine...
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