I'm about to do something completely out of character and that is sure to have the opposite effect: I'm going to sell you something. (ooo, I feel slimy already) Maybe "sell" is a bit strong. Perhaps "blather glowingly about" fits better. Those of you who know me well, however, are likely familiar with my unique ability to create the opposite of interest when attempting to promote, sell, or speak highly of something. I often point to high school trips to Blockbuster where my suggestions for rentals (such as "hey, that's a good movie" or "how about that one, I've been wanting to see it") would instantly extinguish any and all interest the other members of the group may have had in said film. While re-reading Catch-22 for the umpteenth time, I came across a character who prior to his deployment in World War II had been recruited by large companies for the sole purpose of running them into the ground. It had something to do with the heads of the companies making a profit off of the companies failure. (hmm....why does that sound familiar...) Then I began to think -- "hey, maybe large companies could hire me - not to promote their products - but the products of their rivals!" Just imagine it, Apple hires me and puts me in national ads talking about how great PCs are --- weeks later Bill Gates is auctioning his house and popping Prozac like Dr. House eats Vicadin. Coke-funded ads feature me chugging Pepsis after a jog through wind-swept, sunshine-strewn fields --- kids universally declare Pepsi as "lame" and their sales plummet. Hanes hires me not to promote the comfortsoft boxer briefs I love so much, but to frolick with supermodels and puppies in Jockeys or Fruit-of-the-Looms. I could make millions! I could determine which companies rise and fall! [this line of thought led to a political comment which has been removed by Rick's Thought Police - not to be confused with THE Thought Police. Thank you for your compliance. Please move along and continue reading. Send Rick your money. Or at least lucrative book deals.]
Anyway...my point was that, in the past, when I have tried to influence others into trying a product, movie, food, vacation destination - typically they react as if I just told them the product was defective, the movie stunk worse than Alexander and The Happening combined, the food was primarily composed of industrial waste, and the vacation destination was actually a labor camp. Then I get frustrated and stop trying to make suggestions.
What was I selling again? Oh right, the Toyota Tundra. (Maybe this would work better if you could hear me doing the Mike Smith voice) I've been driving a Tundra for the past few days while my truck is in the body shop. I grew up strictly an "American vehicles only" kind of guy. But this past year I drove my dad's Prius and was impressed. Now that I've gotten a taste of V8 power and the Tundra's ultra-smooth ride, I'm finally ready to join the bandwagon (and just in time for Toyota to see their first financial woes in recent memory). So if I were Mike Smith, what would I say about the Tundra? "This is Mock Smiff. We're in the truck business! If you want a truck that can do it all -- and I mean do it all -- then the Tundra is the truck fer you! It's got V8 power and interior room to spare. It'll haul anything you need to haul. Come on down to Mock Smiff Toy-yota, Mit-suh-bish-a, Kia and let us put you behind the wheel of one of these beauties!" [Rick's Thought Police would just like to point out in the off-chance that someone reading this happens to know (or in fact, is) Mock...er...Mike Smith, that the previous parody was merely meant in jest and that Rick would jestfully parody his own mother in the same manner.]
So there. I just sold you on Toyota Tundras. The company is doomed. I have a lot of friends who not only drive Toyotas, but openly declare their love and affection for them. I'm afraid now things will change. You may not understand or even question why, but soon after reading this blog you will cease to feel the same way about your precious Corrollas, Land Cruisers, and 4Runners. Your minds will be clouded by images of me happily driving and talking about Toyotas...and your stomachs will turn and some bizarre and unexplainable subconscious force of nature will compel you to feel the opposite of how I feel. By next week you'll be pulling into Ford, Chrysler, and BMW car lots and practically handing them the keys. At that point, you'll take donuts in trade. (mmm...donuts) (is it donuts or doughnuts?)
And now - it's too late. Like a good super villain I can freely monologue at this point and reveal "my plan." As some of you may be realizing, I'm not actually "selling" anything for Toyota, but for their rivals. All I need now is some green hair dye and Joker warpaint.
But all joking aside, I really do love this Tundra. Normally when I drive in the rain it's a white-knuckle ride as the ruts in the road pull me back and forth. But in the Tundra today it might as well have been perfect conditions outside. If only parking that behemoth were a little easier...
My favorite pro-Tundra thought so far is from my most recent status: it's a tank - I could crash through Soviet roadblocks like they're made of cotton candy!
[Thought Police again -- clarifying that Rick does not work for Toyota or its rivals, but should either of them wish to hire him to counter-promote the other's products, he could sorely use the money and employment. Or if Toyota just wanted to give him a free Tundra for his glowingly positive blather, that would be swell, too.]
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Oh, What a Wonderful World
Recently I was once again musing/moping about how short the football season is and how painfully long the torturous NBA season drags on with its annoyingness. Baseball has a pretty long season, but it's not annoying to me. Here's where that line of thought led:
I think part of baseball's appeal is that it's this consistent presence for about 7 months. A comforting friend that's always there. If you miss a few games during the summer because you were out doing fun warm-weather outdoor things -- no problem. Its something to check in on after dinner when you're unwinding. It's not really something to get amped up about.
I understand football takes a toll on the human body. But surely they could fit in another month or two. Ah, hell, I'm probably just being selfish and dreaming.
I don't know why I'm going on about baseball, but my favorite time for baseball is right around July 4th. The summer is almost at the midway point, you're grilling a lot, you come inside while some brats or burgers are cooking and check in on the game, you're having a few good beers, maybe your girl or buddy is over. Maybe it's a gathering of your best friends. Maybe the news comes on and says cold fusion has in fact been perfected - free energy for everyone and that most of our elected officials have stepped down after admitting to their idiocy and greed and careers of dirty dealings. Then scientists announce they have cloned Adriana Lima and are distributing 1 free clone per heterosexual male across the globe. Instantly all wars and crimes come to an end as we all bask in Adriana's glory. Old age is cured and we all live long lives while retaining the appearance of our 25 year old selves. Heath Ledger returns from the grave and immediately begins work on Dark Knight sequels. All the worlds artists, musicians, and actors get off their high horses and get busy creating grand works for humanity's enjoyment. Cancer is cured. Idiots are launched into the sun. The Canes win the NC almost every single year in disgusting displays of dominance not seen since Biblical times. Maroon 5 are executed on live tv. Reality tv is banished. Those who long for it are dealt with swiftly and vengefully by one Mr. Ray Lewis. Everyone's lives begin to make sense and a feeling of purpose and contentment spreads across the land. Birds stop flying randomly into windows. Planes stop falling from the sky. Billy Mays is chased until exhaustion by angry mobs for the rest of his days. Golf ceases to be eternally frustrating. Men are no longer allowed or even physically able to sing in those annoying nasal, high-pitched voices that all the emo kids sing with. John Mayer's evil spell is broken and he is destroyed. Snow is available on demand. (Sunshine as well) Sleep no longer leaves one more tired and sore and achey than when they went to bed........(you mean that's still just me?). Everyone learns to get along and be tolerant....or they're shot into the sun. The Cubs win the World Series -- more than once! Beer no longer kills braincells, it nurtures them, praises them, reads them stories and educates them in the schools of its choice. Anxiety-inducing big city traffic is done away with as cars drive themselves in a neat and orderly fashion. Movie studios stop pumping the same movie trailer into whatever tv I'm watching every 10 minutes for two weeks until the crappy movie comes out in theaters and then I still don't go see it but I can't stop doing the stupid lines from it even after a month has gone by "you wanna hear what I did to your daughter? I wanna hear you beg for your life." Dr. House is pulled through a wormhole from an alternate reality and is summarily cloned and distributed to every hospital. Everyone enjoys that. 50 cent tacos return to Casa Mexicana for good. Cats and dogs live in harmony and pizza is no longer fattening. Oh what a wonderful world it could be!
See? You never know what station my train of thought is going to pull into.
I think part of baseball's appeal is that it's this consistent presence for about 7 months. A comforting friend that's always there. If you miss a few games during the summer because you were out doing fun warm-weather outdoor things -- no problem. Its something to check in on after dinner when you're unwinding. It's not really something to get amped up about.
I understand football takes a toll on the human body. But surely they could fit in another month or two. Ah, hell, I'm probably just being selfish and dreaming.
I don't know why I'm going on about baseball, but my favorite time for baseball is right around July 4th. The summer is almost at the midway point, you're grilling a lot, you come inside while some brats or burgers are cooking and check in on the game, you're having a few good beers, maybe your girl or buddy is over. Maybe it's a gathering of your best friends. Maybe the news comes on and says cold fusion has in fact been perfected - free energy for everyone and that most of our elected officials have stepped down after admitting to their idiocy and greed and careers of dirty dealings. Then scientists announce they have cloned Adriana Lima and are distributing 1 free clone per heterosexual male across the globe. Instantly all wars and crimes come to an end as we all bask in Adriana's glory. Old age is cured and we all live long lives while retaining the appearance of our 25 year old selves. Heath Ledger returns from the grave and immediately begins work on Dark Knight sequels. All the worlds artists, musicians, and actors get off their high horses and get busy creating grand works for humanity's enjoyment. Cancer is cured. Idiots are launched into the sun. The Canes win the NC almost every single year in disgusting displays of dominance not seen since Biblical times. Maroon 5 are executed on live tv. Reality tv is banished. Those who long for it are dealt with swiftly and vengefully by one Mr. Ray Lewis. Everyone's lives begin to make sense and a feeling of purpose and contentment spreads across the land. Birds stop flying randomly into windows. Planes stop falling from the sky. Billy Mays is chased until exhaustion by angry mobs for the rest of his days. Golf ceases to be eternally frustrating. Men are no longer allowed or even physically able to sing in those annoying nasal, high-pitched voices that all the emo kids sing with. John Mayer's evil spell is broken and he is destroyed. Snow is available on demand. (Sunshine as well) Sleep no longer leaves one more tired and sore and achey than when they went to bed........(you mean that's still just me?). Everyone learns to get along and be tolerant....or they're shot into the sun. The Cubs win the World Series -- more than once! Beer no longer kills braincells, it nurtures them, praises them, reads them stories and educates them in the schools of its choice. Anxiety-inducing big city traffic is done away with as cars drive themselves in a neat and orderly fashion. Movie studios stop pumping the same movie trailer into whatever tv I'm watching every 10 minutes for two weeks until the crappy movie comes out in theaters and then I still don't go see it but I can't stop doing the stupid lines from it even after a month has gone by "you wanna hear what I did to your daughter? I wanna hear you beg for your life." Dr. House is pulled through a wormhole from an alternate reality and is summarily cloned and distributed to every hospital. Everyone enjoys that. 50 cent tacos return to Casa Mexicana for good. Cats and dogs live in harmony and pizza is no longer fattening. Oh what a wonderful world it could be!
See? You never know what station my train of thought is going to pull into.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Elvis Will Have His Revenge ("in this life or the next")
It's been an intense week around here. I've been up since 4:30AM and my mind should be crashing at any time. But I feel the need to ramble a little, dear readers.
This week's entry in the Increasingly Annoying Commercial category is the entire Wendy's campaign where the cartoon "Wendy" remarks in that eye-gougingly perky voice at the end of every ad, "it's WAY better than fast-food, it's Wendy's!" It's only a matter of time before something horrible happens as a direct result of that voice. When some loon in Harrisburg, PA fills a Wendy's dining room with 8000 gallons of tartar sauce from a hijacked tartar sauce tractor trailer - you'll know what sparked the madness.
Remember a couple weeks ago when I couldn't stand seeing commercials for those movies that had been playing over and over on tv? The Last House on the Left --- "you wanna hear what I did to your daughter?" Yeah. Well, for the last two weeks they've been pounding "12 Rounds" into my brain every 10 minutes. The catch-phrase this time around is "I'm gonna hunt you down and I'm gonna kill you!" Because one year ago he took something from the bad guy "that can never be replaced!"
Do you hear that? That's the sound of Hollywood scratching around in the dumpster of creativity for ideas. Maybe they'll find a half-eaten bearclaw...maybe an old shoe....partially broken mechanical toothbrush....or maybe they'll just remake some more old movies. Yeah, sure, that works.
Tomorrow morning my beloved Miami Hurricanes will hold their annual Spring Game. But instead of getting to watch the game on tv up here, I'll be treated to a 2003 Tennessee high school softball game on CSS. Get the popcorn ready! Mom! MOM! MEATLOAF!!!
May I make some more suggestions for the Intolerably Increasingly Annoying (an ever-expanding description) Commercial category? How about any and all erectile dysfunction ads. When these first started airing I was young enough so that it was uncomfortable viewing them around the family. Now they're not so much uncomfortable as they are just annoying, repetitive, and leave me feeling like there's a giant corporation out there that doesn't think very highly of my intelligence (or most men's for that matter).
While we're at it, let's do away with that "Viva Viagra" song. Elvis Presley is going to rise from his velvet-encased grave (or karate kick his way down the ramp of his spaceship -- OR come out of seclusion from his quiet life as a groundskeeper in a tiny West Texas town) and single-handedly carve a path of destruction rivaling that of the Cloverfield monster and Jack Black on a bender combined as he wipes out every last individual involved with the desecration of his song. (That was quite a Faulkner-esque sentence. Oh wait - no - it didn't drone on pointlessly for pages about characters you could care less about and about eras of history that are best left for dead in the ditch of time. Faulker. I have a growing list of the most over-hyped and over-rated people and things. That might be two lists.... Anyway, he's on there. Along with a certain president and a Florida Gator football player (hint: a lot of people treat both of them like walking deities).) (This paragraph has so many parenthesis it's starting to look like my Excel projects from last spring's horrific computer programming class.)
Where was I? Ah yes, Elvis wreaking havoc as the nation takes a breather from all the bailouts and movie trailers. Peanut butter and banana sandwich crusts the size of Buick Skylarks littering the countryside in his wake. Sweat-soaked scarves tossed haphazardly into rivers causing untold ecological damage. And you know what Elvis will say just before he begins his vengeful mission? "I'm gonna hunt you down and I'm gonna kill you." Of course.
200 Evil Grin points (similar to Schrute Bucks) to whoever can tell what movie, actor, and line the title of this blog is a reference to.
Oh, one more thing. Yesterday just before our first exam of the day, Ryan and I were both "cracking up." For some reason he found it wildly amusing when I said I was cracking up "like a package of crakers being run over by a semi full of elephants and Nazi stormtroopers." (the elephants because they're heavy...and the Nazis because they're menacing...) So, I thought I'd share and see what the rest of you think about that.
This week's entry in the Increasingly Annoying Commercial category is the entire Wendy's campaign where the cartoon "Wendy" remarks in that eye-gougingly perky voice at the end of every ad, "it's WAY better than fast-food, it's Wendy's!" It's only a matter of time before something horrible happens as a direct result of that voice. When some loon in Harrisburg, PA fills a Wendy's dining room with 8000 gallons of tartar sauce from a hijacked tartar sauce tractor trailer - you'll know what sparked the madness.
Remember a couple weeks ago when I couldn't stand seeing commercials for those movies that had been playing over and over on tv? The Last House on the Left --- "you wanna hear what I did to your daughter?" Yeah. Well, for the last two weeks they've been pounding "12 Rounds" into my brain every 10 minutes. The catch-phrase this time around is "I'm gonna hunt you down and I'm gonna kill you!" Because one year ago he took something from the bad guy "that can never be replaced!"
Do you hear that? That's the sound of Hollywood scratching around in the dumpster of creativity for ideas. Maybe they'll find a half-eaten bearclaw...maybe an old shoe....partially broken mechanical toothbrush....or maybe they'll just remake some more old movies. Yeah, sure, that works.
Tomorrow morning my beloved Miami Hurricanes will hold their annual Spring Game. But instead of getting to watch the game on tv up here, I'll be treated to a 2003 Tennessee high school softball game on CSS. Get the popcorn ready! Mom! MOM! MEATLOAF!!!
May I make some more suggestions for the Intolerably Increasingly Annoying (an ever-expanding description) Commercial category? How about any and all erectile dysfunction ads. When these first started airing I was young enough so that it was uncomfortable viewing them around the family. Now they're not so much uncomfortable as they are just annoying, repetitive, and leave me feeling like there's a giant corporation out there that doesn't think very highly of my intelligence (or most men's for that matter).
While we're at it, let's do away with that "Viva Viagra" song. Elvis Presley is going to rise from his velvet-encased grave (or karate kick his way down the ramp of his spaceship -- OR come out of seclusion from his quiet life as a groundskeeper in a tiny West Texas town) and single-handedly carve a path of destruction rivaling that of the Cloverfield monster and Jack Black on a bender combined as he wipes out every last individual involved with the desecration of his song. (That was quite a Faulkner-esque sentence. Oh wait - no - it didn't drone on pointlessly for pages about characters you could care less about and about eras of history that are best left for dead in the ditch of time. Faulker. I have a growing list of the most over-hyped and over-rated people and things. That might be two lists.... Anyway, he's on there. Along with a certain president and a Florida Gator football player (hint: a lot of people treat both of them like walking deities).) (This paragraph has so many parenthesis it's starting to look like my Excel projects from last spring's horrific computer programming class.)
Where was I? Ah yes, Elvis wreaking havoc as the nation takes a breather from all the bailouts and movie trailers. Peanut butter and banana sandwich crusts the size of Buick Skylarks littering the countryside in his wake. Sweat-soaked scarves tossed haphazardly into rivers causing untold ecological damage. And you know what Elvis will say just before he begins his vengeful mission? "I'm gonna hunt you down and I'm gonna kill you." Of course.
200 Evil Grin points (similar to Schrute Bucks) to whoever can tell what movie, actor, and line the title of this blog is a reference to.
Oh, one more thing. Yesterday just before our first exam of the day, Ryan and I were both "cracking up." For some reason he found it wildly amusing when I said I was cracking up "like a package of crakers being run over by a semi full of elephants and Nazi stormtroopers." (the elephants because they're heavy...and the Nazis because they're menacing...) So, I thought I'd share and see what the rest of you think about that.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Escaping the Room of Scorn
As I was staggering about in the dark this morning, trying to make coffee and work out the tiredness and soreness from sleeping (what? everybody doesn't wake up more tired and sore than when they went to bed?), I was thinking about Liam Neesan and his wife's tragic passing. I recalled how it had taken a while for me to like Neesan. As an actor, he had to grow on me. But then I realized that that was the case with a majority of my favorite actors.
Matt Damon -- in "Good Will Hunting" he struck me as a pretty boy punk who'd always had it easy. Natural good looks and perhaps a pushy stage-mom can make up for talent or any other possible area where one might be lacking. I didn't hate the guy or anything, I just figured him for yet another of the pretty boy actors Hollywood churns out (which is also a prime reason why they have so few marketable leading male actors these days -- they went away from the Clint Eastwood and Harrison Fords who were appealing to both the male and female audience in favor of Ben Afflecks and skinny little male-models types who fail miserably when put in a role that requires being something other than pretty or having great hair.). But after a few years and a few good roles he had earned my respect and is now one of my favorites. Like Heath Ledger was in the process of doing, he had crossed the boundary from being loved by women and mostly scorned by men to universal acceptance. THAT is the key to being a leading male in Hollywood. I'm getting tired of having to scream it. Yet Hollywood keeps pumping out the same lame punks, year after year. That High School Musical kid, Ashton Kucher, Orlando Bloom, etc are all famous because they're appealing to girls. But men (by and large) can't stand these guys. Bloom has come very close to breaking out, but I think he would have to shave his head, adopt a sarcastic, I-don't-care attitude and then start taking quirky roles that highlight completely different aspects of his character than we have previously seen. Like Ledger taking on character-actor type roles - the opposite of a heroic leading man.
Brad Pitt is another who made his way out of my Room of Scorn and is now one of my favorite actors (Russell Crowe is probably my favorite who is still in his prime, Ford would have to get the all-time label due to his body of work). Pitt was insanely popular with the ladies when he first arrived on the scene. And this annoyed men greatly. But through wise choices in the roles he took and showing he could be a man's man he made a pioneering leap over the Fan Gender Gap. Once upon a time a guy wouldn't be caught dead claiming Pitt as one of their favorite actors. A blog such as this, printed out and rushed back through time via Trans-Temporal-FedEX (what? You've never used them? They're very handy and reliable. Especially when you absolutely, positively, HAVE to get a package back through time - on time!) a guy like me would be mocked and ridiculed for printing such praise of Pitt. I might even get ex-communicated from the Order of Manliness.
Back to my original thought, though: I never considered Neesan to be part of the pretty boy group. I just didn't care for him. Other actors who have overcome the Room of Scorn include:
Johnny Depp -- it's okay to like him now and even revere him as a guy's favorite actor. But there's still some of that pretty boy stink clinging to him. Somehow being Jack Sparrow solidified him both as a guy's-guy and as a sex symbol for the ladies. That's one remarkablely lucky role selection.
Christian Bale -- he's in a dead heat with Crowe for my favorite "current" actor crown and probably at the top of the heap in Hollywood right now. Any role he wants - he can have it. Superb actor and extremely versatile. However, there was a time when I didn't like him. It was only a brief period of time and my level of dislike was rather small. But I did dismiss him because of his pretty boy status. And he quickly won me over and the hearts, minds, and wallets of America.
Roberty Downey, Jr. -- not only was the guy a star from the 80s (that's one strike), but he was always relapsing into drug problems and being given 2nd, 3rd, 45th chances by Hollywood (another strike with the guys - guys who seem to be of the mindset that an actor who does drugs should be able to handle it and just shut up about it), and to top it off he had made his star by being a pretty boy and protraying a cocky, smart-aleck persona in most of his roles. Not winning over the guys that way. But then this past year he rose from the depths of Scorn-dom and in one summer won a tentative place in the esteem of the male audience. His roles in Iron Man and Tropic Thunder showed a completely different side of RDJ. Or at least a side the male audience had never seen before. We haven't fully bought-in to him yet, he's still on a probationary status, but with future roles in Iron Man sequels looming, he's probably a safe bet to be in our good graces down the road.
Well, that's enough of that. I don't know where these topics come from sometimes. I need more coffee...
Matt Damon -- in "Good Will Hunting" he struck me as a pretty boy punk who'd always had it easy. Natural good looks and perhaps a pushy stage-mom can make up for talent or any other possible area where one might be lacking. I didn't hate the guy or anything, I just figured him for yet another of the pretty boy actors Hollywood churns out (which is also a prime reason why they have so few marketable leading male actors these days -- they went away from the Clint Eastwood and Harrison Fords who were appealing to both the male and female audience in favor of Ben Afflecks and skinny little male-models types who fail miserably when put in a role that requires being something other than pretty or having great hair.). But after a few years and a few good roles he had earned my respect and is now one of my favorites. Like Heath Ledger was in the process of doing, he had crossed the boundary from being loved by women and mostly scorned by men to universal acceptance. THAT is the key to being a leading male in Hollywood. I'm getting tired of having to scream it. Yet Hollywood keeps pumping out the same lame punks, year after year. That High School Musical kid, Ashton Kucher, Orlando Bloom, etc are all famous because they're appealing to girls. But men (by and large) can't stand these guys. Bloom has come very close to breaking out, but I think he would have to shave his head, adopt a sarcastic, I-don't-care attitude and then start taking quirky roles that highlight completely different aspects of his character than we have previously seen. Like Ledger taking on character-actor type roles - the opposite of a heroic leading man.
Brad Pitt is another who made his way out of my Room of Scorn and is now one of my favorite actors (Russell Crowe is probably my favorite who is still in his prime, Ford would have to get the all-time label due to his body of work). Pitt was insanely popular with the ladies when he first arrived on the scene. And this annoyed men greatly. But through wise choices in the roles he took and showing he could be a man's man he made a pioneering leap over the Fan Gender Gap. Once upon a time a guy wouldn't be caught dead claiming Pitt as one of their favorite actors. A blog such as this, printed out and rushed back through time via Trans-Temporal-FedEX (what? You've never used them? They're very handy and reliable. Especially when you absolutely, positively, HAVE to get a package back through time - on time!) a guy like me would be mocked and ridiculed for printing such praise of Pitt. I might even get ex-communicated from the Order of Manliness.
Back to my original thought, though: I never considered Neesan to be part of the pretty boy group. I just didn't care for him. Other actors who have overcome the Room of Scorn include:
Johnny Depp -- it's okay to like him now and even revere him as a guy's favorite actor. But there's still some of that pretty boy stink clinging to him. Somehow being Jack Sparrow solidified him both as a guy's-guy and as a sex symbol for the ladies. That's one remarkablely lucky role selection.
Christian Bale -- he's in a dead heat with Crowe for my favorite "current" actor crown and probably at the top of the heap in Hollywood right now. Any role he wants - he can have it. Superb actor and extremely versatile. However, there was a time when I didn't like him. It was only a brief period of time and my level of dislike was rather small. But I did dismiss him because of his pretty boy status. And he quickly won me over and the hearts, minds, and wallets of America.
Roberty Downey, Jr. -- not only was the guy a star from the 80s (that's one strike), but he was always relapsing into drug problems and being given 2nd, 3rd, 45th chances by Hollywood (another strike with the guys - guys who seem to be of the mindset that an actor who does drugs should be able to handle it and just shut up about it), and to top it off he had made his star by being a pretty boy and protraying a cocky, smart-aleck persona in most of his roles. Not winning over the guys that way. But then this past year he rose from the depths of Scorn-dom and in one summer won a tentative place in the esteem of the male audience. His roles in Iron Man and Tropic Thunder showed a completely different side of RDJ. Or at least a side the male audience had never seen before. We haven't fully bought-in to him yet, he's still on a probationary status, but with future roles in Iron Man sequels looming, he's probably a safe bet to be in our good graces down the road.
Well, that's enough of that. I don't know where these topics come from sometimes. I need more coffee...
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Nights of High Tension
Well, last night was another of my random sleepless, high-blood-pressure, paranoia-filled nights where I wonder what's wrong with me and if my heart is just going to randomly stop beating. It all started earlier in the evening while watching tv. If one's heartbeat were like a hand gently rapping at a steady pace on a door, all of a sudden it was like the hand gave 3 or 4 faster, pounding raps and then went back to normal. After that I kept checking my BP, which over the next few hours ranged minute to minute from normal (125/75) to 135/85 to 150/96, but typically hovering in the 140/90 range. I hadn't been stressed or nervous or even had caffeine. I had my (mostly) sleepless night and this morning took my BP again -- it was still around 140/90 -- then dropped to 135/85 after a couple of minutes.
It's times like these that I wonder if I will survive my 30s. If my BP is this crazy now -- what will happen when I have a stressful job and wife and kids and mortgage?
Anyway...last night was the Battlestar Galactica series finale. I know none of my friends watch the show, so there's not much point in commenting on it here. Nevertheless, it was a pretty solid ending. I've found that most often when my favorite shows come to an end, the final episodes feel forced and lifeless or are just completely unsatisfying. Seinfeld, anyone?
Well, maybe it's my high/erratic blood pressure this morning, but I can't seem to stay focused writing this. Can't seem to stay interested in typing things.... like if your favorite team were playing and the game was on tv, but you had the stomach flu...so you had a hard time caring as much as normal or even watching the game. And instead you just went into the bathroom and laid down on the tile floor and wished you felt normal so that you could care about the game like you knew you should.
It's times like these that I wonder if I will survive my 30s. If my BP is this crazy now -- what will happen when I have a stressful job and wife and kids and mortgage?
Anyway...last night was the Battlestar Galactica series finale. I know none of my friends watch the show, so there's not much point in commenting on it here. Nevertheless, it was a pretty solid ending. I've found that most often when my favorite shows come to an end, the final episodes feel forced and lifeless or are just completely unsatisfying. Seinfeld, anyone?
Well, maybe it's my high/erratic blood pressure this morning, but I can't seem to stay focused writing this. Can't seem to stay interested in typing things.... like if your favorite team were playing and the game was on tv, but you had the stomach flu...so you had a hard time caring as much as normal or even watching the game. And instead you just went into the bathroom and laid down on the tile floor and wished you felt normal so that you could care about the game like you knew you should.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Fashion Pet Peeves
Yesterday did not go very well. Here's to a brighter Sunday for everyone. And, randomly, a list of some of my Fashion Pet Peeves:
1. The whole 80s-fashion-is-cool thing that the high schoolers and college kids have going on these days. Makes me wanna puke.
2. Guys in their mid to late 20s who overdress for social occasions as a way of expressing how successful they think they are. i.e. A guy who makes 35K a year but who schmoozes with the local big shots so he shows up to the moderately upscale watering hole to hang out with friends his own age dressed like either Tom Brady in a GQ ad or a high profile defense lawyer walking into court.
3. Dudes who wear wife-beaters out in public on a regular basis.
4. Girls with the giant sunglasses. The sight of these cockpit-window-panes instantly knocks 50 points off a girl's IQ and their whiny, nasally, Paris Hilton voices can be heard complaining about the crowds at the mall with the same level of despair as refugees lamenting their devastated homelands.
5. Hippies and anything they wear.
6. Girls with the short 80s haircuts (ex: abruptly cut off at mid-ear with goofy upward arcing line around the back). Let's learn from the mistakes of the past, not repeat them.
7. Jorts and sandals. Especially when worn during promotional photo shoots by college football stars who receive obama-ish levels of extreme hype and hero-worship (but at least those stars have actually done something - oh snap!).
8. Tight clothes on overweight people.
9. Huge clothes on skinny people.
10. When guys wear shorts outside and it's below 40 degrees
11. When grown women dress like they are 9.
12. Pink polo shirts. Especially if you are in college, a fraternity, or spend a lot of time either at the gym or in the bathroom putting gel in your hair.
13. When women who are at least moderately attractive wear 1-piece bathing suits. Why are these things still around?
14. Crocs. They're neon-colored, plastic slippers!
15. Those hats that my father would call "Tammies" that the emo crowd like to wear. I always see the singer from Fall Out Boy wearing one. Are you a 70 year old man from Scotland? Is it the 1800s? No? Then take off the hat and lose those skinny jeans. Be a man!
16. Popped collars unless being popped ironically for comical Euro-trash model poses.
17. Those big, furry looking boots I see a lot of girls wearing lately.
That's all I have for now (that are appropriate for this forum...I had to edit a few out). Feel free to add your own in the comment section - or the comments on whatever social networking site this is linked to.
1. The whole 80s-fashion-is-cool thing that the high schoolers and college kids have going on these days. Makes me wanna puke.
2. Guys in their mid to late 20s who overdress for social occasions as a way of expressing how successful they think they are. i.e. A guy who makes 35K a year but who schmoozes with the local big shots so he shows up to the moderately upscale watering hole to hang out with friends his own age dressed like either Tom Brady in a GQ ad or a high profile defense lawyer walking into court.
3. Dudes who wear wife-beaters out in public on a regular basis.
4. Girls with the giant sunglasses. The sight of these cockpit-window-panes instantly knocks 50 points off a girl's IQ and their whiny, nasally, Paris Hilton voices can be heard complaining about the crowds at the mall with the same level of despair as refugees lamenting their devastated homelands.
5. Hippies and anything they wear.
6. Girls with the short 80s haircuts (ex: abruptly cut off at mid-ear with goofy upward arcing line around the back). Let's learn from the mistakes of the past, not repeat them.
7. Jorts and sandals. Especially when worn during promotional photo shoots by college football stars who receive obama-ish levels of extreme hype and hero-worship (but at least those stars have actually done something - oh snap!).
8. Tight clothes on overweight people.
9. Huge clothes on skinny people.
10. When guys wear shorts outside and it's below 40 degrees
11. When grown women dress like they are 9.
12. Pink polo shirts. Especially if you are in college, a fraternity, or spend a lot of time either at the gym or in the bathroom putting gel in your hair.
13. When women who are at least moderately attractive wear 1-piece bathing suits. Why are these things still around?
14. Crocs. They're neon-colored, plastic slippers!
15. Those hats that my father would call "Tammies" that the emo crowd like to wear. I always see the singer from Fall Out Boy wearing one. Are you a 70 year old man from Scotland? Is it the 1800s? No? Then take off the hat and lose those skinny jeans. Be a man!
16. Popped collars unless being popped ironically for comical Euro-trash model poses.
17. Those big, furry looking boots I see a lot of girls wearing lately.
That's all I have for now (that are appropriate for this forum...I had to edit a few out). Feel free to add your own in the comment section - or the comments on whatever social networking site this is linked to.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Another Spring Break Bites The Dust
Well, I don't know how many of you watched Battlestar Galactica's second-to-last episode ever last night. In fact, I can't name a single friend that I know watches the show. In any event, last night's episode was a very good one - very intense and building up to next week's 2 hour finale.
I have a lot of work to do today, but I'm considering only spending a couple of hours on it and then running off to the movies. I woke up this morning thinking I had to stay at home today because there would be carpenters here. But due to the rain, they've decided to not work today and instead come tomorrow. So, now I have the day free (other than my work) and tomorrow I have to remain here. Hmm....what to do...
So my spring break is over and what did we learn? Well, we learned that the Weezer song "The Spider" is still too depressing to listen to all the way through. We learned that just because you say you're going to have a nice relaxing day to yourself doesn't mean you won't find yourself cleaning out basements, trailers, and unloading truck-bed's full of tools in torrential downpours. We learned that March is still a lousy excuse for a month. We learned that when you grow your hair out for 7 months and then go to get it trimmed (just a bit) you might not be happy with the results. We also learned that spring breaks spent at home go by just as quickly as those spent drinking and getting skin cancer in warmer locations.
The other day I finally turned on the Genius program on Itunes. I had been fearful of doing this as it scans your music library for information and then sends it to Apple. However, it claims that it does so anonymously. Well, I took the plunge and now Apple has all sorts of secret info on me. I had heard people rave about the supposedly "eerily perfect" playlists that Genius creates. Uh...I'm just not seeing it. I keep giving Genius shots at coming up with playlists and I'm not seeing at all how they are supposed to be so great. Basically it seems like it starts with a random song and then selects songs by similar artists to go with it. Maybe that's the point...and maybe that is a good idea...but I like a little more variety. I have almost 3,000 songs on my Itunes and a wide range of different artists. Yet when Genius fills a 25 song list I'll find maybe 12 different artists and often multiple songs from the same album. In a 25 song list I shouldn't find 2 songs from Thom Yorke's solo album - considering that there are about 10 songs on that album and those are the only 10 Thom Yorke songs out of the 3,000 on my computer.
But the real reason I wanted to try Genius was for the new music recommendations. It's supposed to offer up selections from the Itunes store that you would like based on your library. I've been a little more happy with this aspect of the program, but again feel like there should be more variety. In the Itunes store they'll offer a list of 15 recommended songs with a "more" tab that keeps generating more lists. There have been a lot of good ones on there that have caught my interest. However, I keep seeing the same bands and even same albums over and over again. I have an astounding number of Pearl Jam, Radiohead, and Muse songs on my computer - but I don't seem to be getting a lot of recommendations that are similar to them. Instead I get a lot of indie bands (which for the most part I'm not into) and seemingly random rock songs that I've never heard of. Also they're really pushing the Smashing Pumpkins Rarities album. Nearly every 15 song list has a track from that album on it.
So my jury is still out on Genius, but I'd like to hear what others have to say about it.
Another complaint about Itunes and its music catalogue: how come I can't find all the b-sides and rare tracks that I want? Why offer a seemingly random selection of such songs and not all of them? I guess this is on the artists/labels themselves. If you're going to sell your music on Itunes, why not make all of it available? Kudos to Radiohead for making a solid effort in this regard. But they still need to make those extra tracks from their last album available.
Okay, time to get some work done....and then maybe an attempt at fun today...
I have a lot of work to do today, but I'm considering only spending a couple of hours on it and then running off to the movies. I woke up this morning thinking I had to stay at home today because there would be carpenters here. But due to the rain, they've decided to not work today and instead come tomorrow. So, now I have the day free (other than my work) and tomorrow I have to remain here. Hmm....what to do...
So my spring break is over and what did we learn? Well, we learned that the Weezer song "The Spider" is still too depressing to listen to all the way through. We learned that just because you say you're going to have a nice relaxing day to yourself doesn't mean you won't find yourself cleaning out basements, trailers, and unloading truck-bed's full of tools in torrential downpours. We learned that March is still a lousy excuse for a month. We learned that when you grow your hair out for 7 months and then go to get it trimmed (just a bit) you might not be happy with the results. We also learned that spring breaks spent at home go by just as quickly as those spent drinking and getting skin cancer in warmer locations.
The other day I finally turned on the Genius program on Itunes. I had been fearful of doing this as it scans your music library for information and then sends it to Apple. However, it claims that it does so anonymously. Well, I took the plunge and now Apple has all sorts of secret info on me. I had heard people rave about the supposedly "eerily perfect" playlists that Genius creates. Uh...I'm just not seeing it. I keep giving Genius shots at coming up with playlists and I'm not seeing at all how they are supposed to be so great. Basically it seems like it starts with a random song and then selects songs by similar artists to go with it. Maybe that's the point...and maybe that is a good idea...but I like a little more variety. I have almost 3,000 songs on my Itunes and a wide range of different artists. Yet when Genius fills a 25 song list I'll find maybe 12 different artists and often multiple songs from the same album. In a 25 song list I shouldn't find 2 songs from Thom Yorke's solo album - considering that there are about 10 songs on that album and those are the only 10 Thom Yorke songs out of the 3,000 on my computer.
But the real reason I wanted to try Genius was for the new music recommendations. It's supposed to offer up selections from the Itunes store that you would like based on your library. I've been a little more happy with this aspect of the program, but again feel like there should be more variety. In the Itunes store they'll offer a list of 15 recommended songs with a "more" tab that keeps generating more lists. There have been a lot of good ones on there that have caught my interest. However, I keep seeing the same bands and even same albums over and over again. I have an astounding number of Pearl Jam, Radiohead, and Muse songs on my computer - but I don't seem to be getting a lot of recommendations that are similar to them. Instead I get a lot of indie bands (which for the most part I'm not into) and seemingly random rock songs that I've never heard of. Also they're really pushing the Smashing Pumpkins Rarities album. Nearly every 15 song list has a track from that album on it.
So my jury is still out on Genius, but I'd like to hear what others have to say about it.
Another complaint about Itunes and its music catalogue: how come I can't find all the b-sides and rare tracks that I want? Why offer a seemingly random selection of such songs and not all of them? I guess this is on the artists/labels themselves. If you're going to sell your music on Itunes, why not make all of it available? Kudos to Radiohead for making a solid effort in this regard. But they still need to make those extra tracks from their last album available.
Okay, time to get some work done....and then maybe an attempt at fun today...
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