I Got Yer Teaching Moment Right Here

There's just so much flotsam floating around on the surface of my brain this morning....so here's a bit of it in random form....

1. The president spoke without knowing the facts on the Cambridge police incident and today is going to have a beer with the officer and the hatemongering, radical leftist professor who was arrested for disorderly conduct in what is being condescendingly spun as a "teaching" moment. So basically the officer, who by all accounts other than the president and other radical police-hating types (and the I'm-a-victim crowd) acted correctly, is going to be lectured to about why he was wrong. If I were Officer Crowley I would have politely declined this offer. Well...actually I probably would have taken the opportunity to make a public statement like "Sorry, I don't drink beer with sniveling Marxists who seek to gain unlimited control over the lives of Americans by lowering the nation to the level of all other nations because he believes it's not "fair" for us to succeed, not to mention rushing to shove Orwellian health care legislation down the throats of Americans who do not want the government making their health care decisions or limiting their treatment options or deciding who dies and who can live or who gets born or who gets aborted or selling out the futures of every young person in this country with more spending than any president in US history."

2. If you haven't taken a close look at this health care legislation - you really need to. And if you support it, then please wake up and realize this is not going to be good for anyone. Rationing of treatment. Having to wait months just to see a doctor. Having a bureaucrat decide whether or not you are worthy of a particular treatment. It is essentially legalized genocide of the elderly, disabled, and terminally ill. Unless, of course, you happen to be in Congress or the President -- because the new health care laws won't apply to them. Sure -- "you can keep your plan" -- that is until your policy changes or your premium changes or you change jobs -- then (unless they have since removed this sneaky, underhanded, control-freak provision) there's a little section of the bill that requires you to be put on a government approved plan. It's a little like telling the public they can still eat beef - no one's going to make a law saying they can't -- but then requiring all the cattle farmers to only use their animals for milk. It's designed so that the government can "say" that they're not going to eliminate private insurance, while at the same time all but assuring that private insurance will be eliminated. Then EVERYONE (except Congress and the president) will be on the government health care plan and the government will have incredible control and power over every single person's life.

3. Moving on....I'd recommend avoiding skin cancer if you can. Even the non-surgical methods of treatment are not that fun.

4. I'd also just like to say that John Mayer is a menace to humanity and must be destroyed.

Liking John Mayer = liking reality tv = liking MTV = liking government run health care = liking socialism = liking eating the contents of dirty diapers = DMB fans = thinking guys who sing with nasal-high-pitched-whiny voices and/or fake pronounced breaths during singing (a la Mayer, Jonas Bros, and the Family Guy example of a douchebag with guitar singing the song about Water under a tree to a group of girls) are amazing = being an idiot = needing to be ____.

Also, the band Phish and anyone associated with Rolling Stone magazine get _____ as well.

Bill Hicks quote and blank sections have been edited by the political correctness police.

5. I aced my summer class. Hurray for me. And I did it with cancer. See -- having cancer does make you better at things.

6. Apparently there is a nation-wide severe tomato blight going around this year. So perhaps my tomato growing struggles are not just my own. The birds still refuse to eat the hornworms that I offer them.

7. Football is almost here! The long miserable off-season is nearly over. Consider this: 4 months from now the football seasons will be winding down. But 4 months AGO - it had already been several months since we last had football in our lives! Meanwhile the NBA and NHL are allowed to drag on 9 months out of the year with their wretched sports. It's a crime against humanity! Almost as bad as Marxists running our country and trying to turn it into a socialist utopia - where there is no middle class, those who work hard, succeed, and earn money are punished and have their wealth redistributed, and small businesses are starved into extinction. But football is almost here...there is hope for both my Canes and Bears...

8. The weather this past month has been absolutely wonderful! I cannot remember a July this temperate (77-85 mostly). Plus we haven't had our usual drought. It's been quite lovely, I say, quite lovely...

Alright, that's all for now. Tune in next week when I insult the lawnmower and then invite it into the garage to lecture it on why it should feel bad and apologize to me.

Indigestive Blogging

Too much pizza tonight. I have no reason to really feel guilty about indulging tonight, yet guilty is what I feel. Last night it was oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Around 10pm I decided to make them...and ate about a dozen....and then had more for breakfast this morning. But I don't have any reason to feel guilty. I've been working out hard lately - if anything, I could stand to put on a few pounds. Yet guilty I feel.

What else...what else....sometimes I wish I had one interest (like other bloggers) that I could focus on solely and write daily blogs about just that one topic. I guess I could start a different blog for each subject that interests me. No, the problem with that would not be coming up with things to say or keeping track of each blog. No, the problem would be: a) deciding WHICH subjects are interesting enough to me to be worth writing about regularly, b) not getting bored by these subjects, and c) not obsessively fretting over whether or not those subjects are truly my primary interests and if people will define me by those interests.

I signed up for Twitter last night. I'm not sure why....I suppose I was mostly curious. It's pretty interesting to follow famous people/musicians/etc that one is interested in. Someday people will hang on my every "tweet," just you wait....

September is shaping up to be a spectacular month. First - we have both the college and pro football seasons kicking off. As I say on an almost daily basis, the wretched NBA and NHL seasons seem to last year round - they taunt me as they drag on while the too-short football seasons barely get 4-5 months. I'm excited about both my Canes and Bears this year.

Second, we have Oktoberfest -- my favorite season for beer drinking....although, I do LOVE a nice cold summer lager at the end of a hot day....oh man....it's 11:30 and I'm about to go to sleep, but one of those sounds GREAT right now!

Third, music: Pearl Jam, Muse, and Alice In Chains are all scheduled to release new albums in the month of September.

Still no news on the mystery spot the doctor removed from my temple. But apparently I've had an allergic reaction to either the bandage or the polysporin I was using on the wound. I now have a vibrantly nasty colony of bumps surrounding the little craterous area where the potential cancer once lived. This has happened before...but I thought polysporin was okay and Neosporin was the suspect....hmmm.....apparently the list of odd things I'm allergic to is still growing...

Oh, What a Wonderful World

Recently I was once again musing/moping about how short the football season is and how painfully long the torturous NBA season drags on with its annoyingness. Baseball has a pretty long season, but it's not annoying to me. Here's where that line of thought led:

I think part of baseball's appeal is that it's this consistent presence for about 7 months. A comforting friend that's always there. If you miss a few games during the summer because you were out doing fun warm-weather outdoor things -- no problem. Its something to check in on after dinner when you're unwinding. It's not really something to get amped up about.

I understand football takes a toll on the human body. But surely they could fit in another month or two. Ah, hell, I'm probably just being selfish and dreaming.

I don't know why I'm going on about baseball, but my favorite time for baseball is right around July 4th. The summer is almost at the midway point, you're grilling a lot, you come inside while some brats or burgers are cooking and check in on the game, you're having a few good beers, maybe your girl or buddy is over. Maybe it's a gathering of your best friends. Maybe the news comes on and says cold fusion has in fact been perfected - free energy for everyone and that most of our elected officials have stepped down after admitting to their idiocy and greed and careers of dirty dealings. Then scientists announce they have cloned Adriana Lima and are distributing 1 free clone per heterosexual male across the globe. Instantly all wars and crimes come to an end as we all bask in Adriana's glory. Old age is cured and we all live long lives while retaining the appearance of our 25 year old selves. Heath Ledger returns from the grave and immediately begins work on Dark Knight sequels. All the worlds artists, musicians, and actors get off their high horses and get busy creating grand works for humanity's enjoyment. Cancer is cured. Idiots are launched into the sun. The Canes win the NC almost every single year in disgusting displays of dominance not seen since Biblical times. Maroon 5 are executed on live tv. Reality tv is banished. Those who long for it are dealt with swiftly and vengefully by one Mr. Ray Lewis. Everyone's lives begin to make sense and a feeling of purpose and contentment spreads across the land. Birds stop flying randomly into windows. Planes stop falling from the sky. Billy Mays is chased until exhaustion by angry mobs for the rest of his days. Golf ceases to be eternally frustrating. Men are no longer allowed or even physically able to sing in those annoying nasal, high-pitched voices that all the emo kids sing with. John Mayer's evil spell is broken and he is destroyed. Snow is available on demand. (Sunshine as well) Sleep no longer leaves one more tired and sore and achey than when they went to bed........(you mean that's still just me?). Everyone learns to get along and be tolerant....or they're shot into the sun. The Cubs win the World Series -- more than once! Beer no longer kills braincells, it nurtures them, praises them, reads them stories and educates them in the schools of its choice. Anxiety-inducing big city traffic is done away with as cars drive themselves in a neat and orderly fashion. Movie studios stop pumping the same movie trailer into whatever tv I'm watching every 10 minutes for two weeks until the crappy movie comes out in theaters and then I still don't go see it but I can't stop doing the stupid lines from it even after a month has gone by "you wanna hear what I did to your daughter? I wanna hear you beg for your life." Dr. House is pulled through a wormhole from an alternate reality and is summarily cloned and distributed to every hospital. Everyone enjoys that. 50 cent tacos return to Casa Mexicana for good. Cats and dogs live in harmony and pizza is no longer fattening. Oh what a wonderful world it could be!


See? You never know what station my train of thought is going to pull into.