Wednesday, May 5, 2010

On Turning 30

So yesterday I joined the 30 club. I went kicking and screaming. And clawing at the floor and doorframes. And blubbering and trying to make irrational deals with no one in particular. It was quite a sight. Luckily YouTube wasn't there to film it.

I still do not feel anywhere near 30. At times I still feel like a kid or teenager. Most times something more in the 22-24 range. You're only as old as you feel. And that's quite true. Human beings physically age at different paces. And we most certainly mentally mature differently as well. After the next 10 years go by in a flash (because they will) I hope I will have "let go" enough to just roll with joining the next "club."

Perhaps it all comes back to living in the present. Like Master Yoda once told Luke (paraphrasing here): "Too old...yes, too old to begin the training." No, wait. That's not the one. Here we go: "This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away...to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph."

However you feel about Star Wars, there are really a lot of great truths and inspirations to be taken from a lot of the Jedi philosophy. One of my favorites is the idea of "letting go." We must be able to let go of all the things that we hold onto so tightly. Only then can we be free.

So I'm 30 now. What does that mean? Absolutely nothing. One moment I'm alive and the next I'm dead. So time is really irrelevant. I must continue training myself to let go of trying to hold onto life itself. I should just light my tail on fire and enjoy the ride across the sky, like a meteor searing its way through the atmosphere.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Stormy Night

It's always a little concerning when the weatherman says that their radar indicates a tornado is headed for your relatively exact location and even waves his hand over the spot on the map where your house is situated. In the wee hours of this morning, the weatherman did just not....and then the weatherlady who took over 20 minutes later did the same thing. Just when you think you've dodged the first tornado bullet (feeling the house shudder under the winds as in all likelihood a funnel cloud passes right over your head), the next Doplar-indicated-tornado makes an abrupt right-hand turn and heads directly for you. Twice I found myself wondering if the house was about to be ripped apart around me. Should I have gone down into the basement? Should I have put my contacts back in? I mean, who wants to get tossed around by a tornado wearing glasses? Shoes too? And maybe change shirts...don't wanna be found the next morning lodged in the base of a tree wearing an old baggy shirt that's a little too big to be wearing in public. Maybe shave too....

But thankfully we escaped the danger. Consequently i didn't get nearly enough sleep last night and shall be taking it out on the world around me. You've all been warned.

So do my dear readers know that a car bomb was found in Times Square last night? Shouldn't this be breaking news on all the news outlets? Even the state-run and state-puppeted media should be all over this.

Do my dear readers know about the Senate's latest socialist plans to institute National ID cards? At this point I shouldn't even have to be pleading with you all to wake up and face this evil head on...it should be apparent. But then, maybe the spell is still too strong...

Do my dear readers know that Soundgarden got back together and is touring??? Yes, Soundgarden!

Do my dear readers know that if I ruled the world one of the first things to go would be all Progressive insurance commercials with that wretched Flo? I HATE that company purely because of their idiotic, mindless, hopeless, insultingly annoying commercials. Not to mention their name....

While we're at it - no more "male enhancement" or Viagra/Cialis commercials. (I think i've said that before) My dad watches a lot of golf....I swear every single commercial break during golf tournaments has at least one Viagra/Cialis commercial -- "because any time could turn into the right time."

Our society has become so soft over the last few generations. That's our problem. Think back to our grandparents and the generations before them. Those were tough, responsible, rugged individuals. Now we're all a bunch of whiny, selfish, weaklings. That's why we have the culture war that we have now. Those who still hold onto values of strength, personal accountability, doing it yourself, doing the right thing, pursuing one's own success and reaping the rewards - vs - Those who want someone else to do it, who only care about their own instant gratification, who avoid hard work at all costs, who want the government to take care of them, tv to raise their kids, for successful people to be punished and forced to share the fruits of their labor out of a twisted sense of "fairness."

Maybe it all starts with the kids. Generations ago kids were brought up to be obedient and work hard. Today they're pandered to and giving everything they could want and far more than they deserve. Entitlement. A nasty thing whether given directly by the government or through behavior from parent to child.

Well, until next time, dear readers...stay out of trouble, stay out of the path of tornadoes, and don't allow the government to control you.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Ah, Spring...

The season of new hope, new life, new love, new possibilities. And pollen and scratchy throats and eyes and the heart of the football off-season when September seems so far away and the wretched NBA season drags on mercilessly with its insipid Sportscenter highlights. Good thing there's spring football, the NFL draft, and lots of amazing spring-time beers to get us through!

The following beers are current must-trys: (in no particular order)
1. Sierra Nevada Pale Ale (a classic standby that I just happen to be really enjoying lately)
2. Sierra Nevada Glissade (a golden bock that goes down smooth but has some substance to it)
3. Sam Adam's Noble Pils (delightfully refreshing and dangerously easy to drink)
4. Harpoon Irish Red (one of the better seasonal Irish Red's I've had in a while)
5. Schlafly's Pale Ale (fast becoming one of my favorite breweries - everything they produce is pure gold!)

Meanwhile, the dismantling of the Republic continues....the despicable health care bill...next on the target list - the banking system and the value added tax. Yeah, more taxes on businesses will surely help the economy. Oh, but I keep forgetting - profits are WRONG and business people are by nature evil and should be ashamed of their wealth (I'm being sarcastic...others are not).

I haven't seen any movies since the holidays, so don't even ask for my thoughts on any recent releases. But just like in years past, the January-March period brings about this bizarre and insanity-inducing massive advertising blitz on every channel, every commercial break for weeks leading up to each release. You may recall last year certain movies' ads became stuck in my head because I would be pummeled with them nonstop. And they're always terrible movies. 12 Rounds with John Cena. Remember that gem? "I'm gonna hunt you down and I'm gonna kill you!" See! The stupid lines are STILL stuck in my head from seeing the commercial literally every 15 minutes each night for 2-3 weeks!

Okay, so a short blog every month is better than no blogs for multiple months, right? Take care until next time, dear readers. And don't let life lull you to sleep...you might miss it.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Happy Ides of March

Ah, the Ides of March! The day Caesar should have called in sick. The weather is that dismal in-between where it's too warm for snow but too cold for spring. There's no football on tv. And the trees still have that dreary lifeless quality about them. At least there are excellent spring beers to evoke daydreams of warm, long evenings grilling on the porch. I highly recommend the Sam Adams Noble Pils and Sierra Nevada's Glissade. Even Caesar would have chosen them over a goblet of pungent Roman-era wine.

So I've been on hiatus it seems. School has been sucking the life from my bones. I'm not even sure what to write anymore. My poor mind is so inundated by such horrors as convective heat transfer coefficients and quadratic multi-variable interpolation. I really despise X-Y graphs and this whole sick notion of trying to define the world in terms of those graphs. The world cannot be understood in sine curves and points on a graph! We are poisoning the minds of our youth with this nonsense! X-Y graphs are a terrible way of conveying information. Just give me a few sentences to clearly sum up what is happening on the wretched graph. And don't even get me started on computer programming....

Okay - let's shake off the demons and talk about random things:

1. How come whenever I see, hear about, or think of the Nissan Pathfinder I recall the very first commercial when it originally came out in the late 80's that made it seem like some mysterious and amazing new creation? -- I remember part of it shows this guy walking on a tarmac and looking back at the camera (think they were walking towards a big cargo plane) and managing to get the words "the Pathfinder" out before it cut away to other secretive footage. Oh the strange things television burns into the memories of little kids. Hmm...let that sink in and then start weeping for today's children.

2. Did everyone enjoy the Winter Olympics as much as I did? At first I really didn't care about them, but shortly after the opening ceremonies I became hooked. It was so cool coming home each night and having hours of footage. I discovered that I enjoy the Winter Games a lot more than the Summer Games. Skiing, speed skating, snowboarding, etc. I can't even think of a summer olympic sport that sounds interesting right now....

3. Who listens to regular FM radio anymore? Apparently someone does. It's a shame. If I turn on the radio I feel like I'm experiencing the aural equivalent of someone trying to feed me mind-control drugs. Society is decaying at an ever-increasing rate. In another generation we'll be a culture of complete self-absorbed buffoons, programmed to like, think, say, and do whatever gets pumped into our minds.

4. I'm officially a fan of the show Community. I feel a connection to the main character, Jeff, as we're both older, non-traditional students with law backgrounds. However, the folks I go to school with are the opposite of Jeff's classmates. Where he has a colorful group of goofy personalities to bounce off of, I'm surrounded by engineers.....not that there's anything wrong with that!

5. Them Crooked Vultures are unbelievable! Their album is a bulldozing, soul-charging, rhinoceros ride that will leave any rock fan happy. I've been listening to it non-stop for 2 months now. At this point I could handle never getting another Foo Fighters album as long as the Vultures kept producing.

6. Last night I watched one of ESPN's 30 for 30 films. It was about Reggie Miller and the Knicks back in the mid-90s. Back when I actually liked the NBA. Funny how time can change things. Now I abhor the wretched NBA and it's never-ending schedule. I wonder if in 10 years I'll hate the NFL? That's a terrible and depressing thought. If I hate the NFL - what sport will I love then?

7. Did you know that mustard gas is often used as an intermediary in chemical processes? It's apparently a good source of chlorine molecules when you need to replace other molecules with them. Of course, companies are not allowed (nor would they want to) store mustard gas - so it gets made within the process itself and then used immediately. Let's say there's a certain ingredient that goes into your favorite snack food or beverage or toothpaste -- in the course of processing that ingredient it has to be altered on a molecular level so as to result in the desired ingredient and not something completely different. Maybe you need some hydrogen molecules removed, but due to complicated rules of chemical reactions, you can't simply remove those hydrogens without first taking away other hydrogens. So in comes our friend mustard gas (aka Phosgene Gas) with his big, beautiful chlorine molecules. The chlorines replace the first set of hydrogens. But we still need to get rid of those original hydrogens - what do we do? Well, thanks to the big chlorines we can now get rid of the remaining hydrogens through a standard procedure without losing the chlorines. Then we can go through another step and get rid of the chlorines (think of them as a place-holder) and put back on the first set of hydrogens that we didn't really want to lose in the first place. THIS is the stuff I should be learning about all the time at school! Not graphs and analyzing graphical data and calculus and all that filth!

Alright...it feels good to have blogged again. Unfortunately I cannot promise when you'll next hear from me. Hopefully it won't be a month and a half again. Enjoy the Ides of March and if your best friend invites you to a meeting near a bunch of Roman columns.....maybe just fake having a cold and stay home.

Friday, January 29, 2010

The Bitter Snow Blog

They got me. They got me good. Those damn Anti-Snow people. And the weather people. All day yesterday and last night they virtually guaranteed 7-10" for me. Then this morning I awoke and found the weatherman casually (and mockingly) saying we will only get 3-6" as if they never ever said anything about 7-10"! I know I didn't dream it! Oh, they got me good!

Is there anyway for me to sue the weather people for malicious and intentional infliction of emotional and psychological distress for all the years of manipulating, lying, taunting, teasing, and jerking me around regarding snow?

Oh, right, a magical pocket of dry air just happened to appear over our region during the night. How convenient. But this is what always happens. Every single time. They build it up -- first a chance a winter weather, then maybe a few inches, then definitely a few inches, then possible double-digits, then definitely double-digits, then promises of 3 feet of snow and polar bears roaming the interstate! And then at the last minute.....a dusting.....

Those of us in the know are fully aware that such magical pockets of air are the work of the vile Anti-Snow Machine! Someday I shall destroy that menace! And then the good people of our region shall be free to enjoy the fruits of winter's glory!

Right now as I type this there is not a flake falling outside. It's all conveniently evaporating before it hits the ground. (Yes, as a future chemical engineer I should probably know the science behind that part, but instead they'd rather teach me nonsense like derivatives and error calculations...but that's another rant) Meanwhile - Nashville, TN has snow on the ground (and probably some Pants on the ground too....)! It always gets me irate when locations to the south of me have snow and I don't! Texas has gotten so much snow this year it is absolutely ridiculous! All I've gotten is a lousy inch! One rotten inch!

What is gained by preventing snowfall in our area? Is it merely a personal vendetta against me? An arbitrarily chosen experiment to manipulate and confound me or the populace in general? A massive public manipulation designed to control our reactions? Whatever the goal...the Anti-Snow Machine must be stopped...

So all you Anti-Snow people out there....laugh it up...enjoy it...but my vengeance shall be had. In this life or the next. The Anti-Snow Machine will be destroyed and winter shall blanket this land in its white comforting hand. And I shall laugh as your tears freeze on your faces. You will stand at your windows, crying out at the savagery of winter's wrath. Watch as I dance around a bonfire upon 2 feet of packed snow under a snow-filled sky with all the wolves and bears and others who welcome the glory of Mother Nature's colder season. Fear shall embrace your icy hearts and the gleam in our eyes will haunt your midnight thoughts. Where will your broken Anti-Snow Machine - your man-made false god - be then? We shall fashion trinkets from its pieces and give them to the children as a reminder of the power of Mother Nature and the unflinching hunger for control and power of man. All evils - greed, socialism, etc - shall be buried under the eternal snow. Laziness and idiocy shall be shamed out of the culture. The space program will be fully funded and allowed to flourish (**cough** obama's flatlining NASAs budget - not surprising considering his ideological contempt for the space program - also a huge insult and embarrassment for our country). We shall all learn to welcome the onslaught of snow each winter. All will set aside the mad self-destructive obsession of only caring about their working lives. We shall once again remember what truly matters in life -- those whom we love and the things which bring joy to our hearts - not mission statements and reports and resumes and glad-handing and sales calls. Feuding pets shall make peace with each other. Weather people shall make amends for their role in the manipulation in service of the Anti-Snow Machine. I shall run with the wolves across snowy tree-lined fields and ice covered lakes. I shall have my vengeance. I shall have my peace.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

"You tell'em I'm coming - and snow's coming with me!"

Yes, folks! SNOW! Let the Anti-Snow Contingent moan and wail and gnash their teeth! Snow is imminent! By this time tomorrow night there could be between 7-10 inches on the ground right here in my backyard...and frontyard.... It shall be a glorious day of snowfall all day tomorrow!

Earlier as the local news went through the weather report I actually found myself walking around the house trash-talking no one in particular. Perhaps my barbs were aimed at all those who work tirelessly to keep snow away from our region with their prized asset - the Anti-Snow Machine. And perhaps someone finally succeeded in sabotaging that dreadful device....(cue evil laughter)

This afternoon I ventured forth to Wal-Mart to watch the traditional panicked pillaging of the milk and bread sections. Why do people feel the need to stock up on perishables? If the power goes out, do you really want a bunch of milk and bread laying around? Of course, that didn't stop me from getting milk (I was out) and eggs (i'll need breakfast as i enjoy watching the snow cascade onto the once dreary landscape and quietly chuckle with laughter at the Anti-Snow people who are undoubtedly cursing at their windows). Wal-Mart was surprisingly sane and relatively calm despite being fairly crowded. The gas stations were another matter. I steered clear of those. People were in lines filling not just their vehicles, but gas cans as well. The lessons learned from last year's ice storm have not faded. Wait a minute....I think our generator is still broken....well....that's awfully useful.

Okay...I'll check back in with you all tomorrow...and to rub it in the faces of all the Anti-Snow people....

Friday, January 8, 2010

"Like winning 10 cents in the lottery"

That's what gettting an inch of snow is like - according to Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes - the greatest comic strip of all time) and I've often quoted that line over the years. It applies once again to the results of our "winter storm" from the other night. For those not familiar with the reaction of Kentuckians to the possibility of snow, it goes something like this:

A day or two before the "winter weather" is predicted to arrive, people flock to grocery stores and clean out the bread, milk, and egg shelves. Mind you - this is the case for ALL degrees of winter storms - from a major 8-12 inch snow storm, to an ice storm, and even (as in this case) a 1-3 inch mild snowfall. News reporters will be stationed along main roads, parking lots, and gas stations giving live updates of the treacherous conditions. Citizens will be warned to stock up on supplies and stay off the roads (unless of course, you go to my school, in which case you will be expected to arrive on time despite the 12 inches of snow, 6 inches of ice, roaming packs of zombies, and 300 foot tall alien robots wreaking havoc). As the threat of the inch or two of snow looms closer, the grocery and hardware stores will be flooded with wild-eyed folks desperately picking through what's left of the foodstuffs, ice scrapers, and shovels. All talk will be of the impending doom and catastrophic calamity that will surely keep everyone trapped in their homes for weeks to come. This occurs even when the "storm" will surely be nothing more than an inch or two of snow...just as it was the other night. And yet - all schools closed, businesses - even doctor's offices! Normally I'm a major proponent of shutting down society for the sake of snow and having a Utopia-like celebration...but yesterday even I would have felt no need to call of classes and shut down the region. (And if I'm the one saying that, then that's really significant!)

You know what I long for? I would really like to hear the weather-people talk positively about snow for once. Like -- not get so upbeat and happy when the snow misses us or less falls than is expected. I want to hear things like "well, darn, it doesn't look like we're going to get all that much snow after all. But hey - we tried our best! There's still plenty of winter left, so we have more opportunities to get that solid 10 inch storm!"

Switching gears...I finally got around to picking up the Them Crooked Vultures album. For those who don't know - this is a side project featuring Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters, Josh Homme of Queens of the Stone Age, and John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin. And yes, it sounds just like a blend of all three. Really really REALLY cool stuff! One can almost literally pinpoint certain strains of each members' style running through the songs. The song "Mind Eraser No Chaser" is one that gets lodged in your head for the entire day - be careful not to burn yourself out. I was a little cautious about what to expect at first, but was pleasantly blown away upon giving it a full listen.

That's all for today....2 blogs in 3 days...I'm spoiling you guys....