Random Saturday Thoughts

Random Saturday Morning Thoughts:

1. As I mentioned in today's FB status - I have no problem with the CIA using mock executions to gain information from terrorists. In fact, it's something I would expect and be upset if they DIDN'T use. Have we seriously gotten to the point where we won't let the people who are trying to stop the monsters (i.e. terrorists who spend every waking moment plotting to annihilate men, women, and children) to PRETEND to execute someone so as to intimidate or frighten these soulless gents into giving up information? What's next? Will the ACLU demand that Emeril cook all their meals personally? Front row seats to the Jonas Brothers? How about we're only allowed to ask them about potential plots against Americans in writing - once a month - and it has to be written on construction paper, in crayons, and must be phrased in a friendly and casual manner so as not to upset the poor dears? Meanwhile it's totally cool for the terrorists to bomb, shoot, disembowel, and re-enact every torture scene from the Saw movies on their victims. Madness!

2. The weather these past two months has been just amazing. (Yes, I just used the word "amazing" which happens to be the catchphrase of 18-20 year old girls when describing just about anything. Oddly enough, it was also used in the same manner, with the same inflection, and same pause between the "a" and "mazing" back when I was just a lad. Some things DO never change....) It's August and it is 80 degrees outside. We haven't had our usual droughts and I don't think we've had a single day in the triple digits all summer long. Wonderful weather! Phenomenal! A-mazing!

3. Why do I seem to have more dreams (or at least remember them far better) when I sleep on two pillows instead of just one?

4. I definitely should've seen "The Goods" last weekend instead of "District 9." My brother went and saw the former without me this week, so now I probably won't get to see it until it comes out on DVD. Actually, no. More like I won't get to see it until a few years from now when I'm at a friend's house and they say "you've never seen The Goods?!?!?! How did you not see it?!?! It's hilarious!" And then they'll put the DVD on, but 20 minutes in a pipe will burst in the kitchen or a wife will start having an allergic reaction, or a child will be throwing a temper tantrum, or a dog will lap up a few beers and get behind the wheel of the family SUV - and the movie will be stopped and I'll go home and it'll be another year or two before I catch the rest of it on TBS. What would I do without TBS?

5. Please. Please. PLEASE die reality tv! DIE! Reality tv is destroying what's left of our society's cognitive skills. The youth are already toast. It just needs to be abolished. Along with MTV. In fact, anyone associated with MTV or its programming should be rounded up and exiled to Siberia.

6. When one is making oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, it is imperative that one use the "old fashioned" (full size) oats rather than the processed (and de-tastified) "quick 1-minute" oats.

7. Why do old men in gym locker-rooms insist on sitting completely naked and chatting with each other in front of other people's lockers? How is this a fun or enjoyable activity? Why not get dressed, leave the gym, and go chat over coffee or a sandwich somewhere? Aren't coffee and sandwiches and fully-clothed-conversations better than nude ones in food-less, moderately smelly locations where other men of varying ages and body tones are changing clothes?

8. I think cats see things that humans cannot.

9. Why do human beings spend 90% of their lives performing tasks they a) don't like, b) hate, c) find miserable, d) don't care about, or e) all of the above rather than spending the majority of their short time on earth doing things they actually enjoy and being around those they care about? It's insane! We get jobs and careers because we HAVE to, and then we're forced to spend most of our time toiling at them. I don't want to meet the man who would rather sit in a cubicle writing reports and giving presentations and checking regulations and protocols rather than be at home with his family or climbing a mountain or throwing a football with friends while grilling bratwursts. There's a small percentage of people out there who do not have to fall into this trap -- they truly love what they do or what they do is their dream. I do not want to fall into the trap, I want to be one of the lucky few. But the trap is like a gaping maw, a blackhole with a cackling laugh and giant neon signs around it like mouth tentacles on some nightmarish alien face that read "MISERY AHEAD," "THEY OWN YOU," "HAPPINESS IS NOT ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT," "IT'S UNFULFILLMENT FOR YOU, PAL." NO, no no! I do not want my life to be wasted like that! I only get one life - one shot! This isn't a game or a dream or a movie - this is real! REAL! ONE shot! No do-overs, no trying-it-again-next-time-around. THIS IS NOT A DREAM! THIS IS YOUR LIFE! THIS IS NOT A MOVIE! YOU ARE REAL! YES YOU! THE ONE READING THIS AND SUBCONSCIOUSLY GOING THROUGH LIFE LIKE IT'S ONE BIG MOVIE THAT YOU'RE WATCHING! IT'S NOT A MOVIE! IT'S REAL! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! LOOK AT YOUR HANDS RIGHT NOW! TELL YOURSELF -- "THOSE ARE MY HANDS! I AM REAL! THIS IS REALLY REAL RIGHT F'N NOW! THIS IS ALL HAPPENING!" Come off of the autopilot that we all leave on as we race through our daily lives. It gets harder to do the older you get. When I was a child I would frequently pause, look at my hands, tell myself something like I just told you to say, and it would literally (totally serious) hit me that I was real and alive and it would fill me with this mixture of dawning and panic and understanding. It was scary but also life-affirming. It was always literally like waking up from a sleep. But it would only last a few moments and I could feel my body and mind slipping back under.....now that I'm older it's harder to achieve these moments....but when they come they are still rather shocking to the system. I'm sure right now your autopilot is dismissing all this that I'm saying - maybe you're laughing to yourself - "oh, that Rick...he's so goofy, where does he come up with this stuff?" But I'm honestly telling you that if you can turn that autopilot off and "awake" for just a few moments, it will leave you feeling like the sky was just removed from the earth and you heard God clearing his throat up there.