10 Moments of Chaos

Seems I've been running into mental roadblocks with my blogs lately. Thinking too hard. My old nemesis.

Well, I'm another year older, according to the calendar. And as the years go by (and as my brain gets filled up with engineering knowledge) my verbal skills seem to be deteriorating. My mind was once a steel trap for spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Now I'm constantly having to think about a word's spelling or usage and making typing errors. Could be the math and science skills invading the verbal territory. That or I'm developing a neurological disease. Maybe it's ALS (Lou Gerhig's disease). I've been getting these little painless muscle twitches for months. All on the left side of my body (except for the eye twitch, which will affect either eye). The twitches have been in my forearm/wrist, bicep, and (in the last couple of days) the bottom of my foot. According to WebMD (the internet's heroin dealer for hyperchondriacs), I could have Lou Gerhig's -- but I haven't had any numbness and my face hasn't been twitching and my coordination seems about normal. So maybe I can call off the press conference at Wrigley Field... WebMD also suggested various types of epileptic seizures - but I haven't been thrashing around on the floor or fitting the other symptoms. In all likelihood, the simplest and most benign diagnosis is probably the correct one: (insert medical term I found last night and mentally misplaced since then) -- basically just benign muscle twitching caused by certain meds (some of which I take), caffeine, stress, fatigue, and exercise. Yet my inner Dr. House still fears the Lou Gerhigs....

I suppose I could review the big movie of this past weekend: Wolverine. But I'm bored with that idea right now....

Instead here's an attempt at describing 10 seconds of having ADD/ADHD: (think of each second as a snap shot of what's going on at that instant) (on second thought -- thinking of them as seconds doesn't work because its taking me a lot longer than 1 second to collect those thoughts and type them out...so let's just call them "moments")
:01 -- looking out the window - lighting of sky reminds of (flash dozens of images of different random days from the past)...sound from kitchen - metal clinking - silverware...leaves on the trees are so intensely green, vibrant, alive....music from tv...classical....from a movie....hairball on the floor needs to be picked up...where is Killian?....better not be clawing furniture....

:02 -- this song reminds me of high school...driving down I-24....(random moment of driving in rain on I-24)...music from tv again...(instant mental check of how hungry I am, whether I need to go to the bathroom)...check the clock...what day is it?....can't believe it's been 11 years since this album came out...(instant recall/reliving of some sort of emotions or feelings from when Pearl Jam's "Yield" was released)...the bottom drawer of the dresser is slightly open...

:03 -- is that the music from The Dark Knight coming from the tv now? I almost typed cocoon instead of coming (millisecond of worry about neurological disorders). Remember the movie Cocoon? Wilford Brimley - he was always stern and mad at kids. And he was born 60 years old. (is that a hunger pain? - hunger/bathroom check...still good) head itches. the lighting outside has changed again....(instant flurry of past moments that the light reminds me of)...

:04 -- gunshot from outside - someone hunting or maybe people being murdered nearby? What if they were being murdered and the killer decided to kill off everyone else in every house in the area. We'd have no way of knowing what was going on because we dismiss the gunshots as hunters. My hip hurts. (scans room and assesses the articles of clothing that are visible) what day is it?

:05 -- (mental hunger/bathroom check) getting hungry, what to eat? there goes Killian into the bathroom. (stops music from playing - too distracting) Nike shoes. University of Oregon. The guy who owns Nike gives tons of money to U of Oregon's athletic program. Green jerseys. Rain. Pacific Northwest. Seattle. Visiting Seattle when I was 15. Seafood. Mount Rainier. My foot is falling asleep.

:06 -- thinking too hard...mind screeching to halt...all tied up in knots...remember that movie I saw as a kid - or rather, the scene from the movie -- some poor guy had been captured by the mob or other bad guys and was tied to a chair with his legs tied to the seat of another chair. A guy with a bat then broke his legs. It messed me up as a little kid - made me afraid of having my legs broken...which transferred over to fear of injury in ways other than having mobsters break one's legs between chairs with bats. Plus the horror that that man must have felt not just having his legs broken but the anguish of knowing he wouldn't be able to walk and would have severe impairments even after his bones healed. Foot is still asleep. (mental hunger/bathroom check) hairball is still on the floor. Where's Killian now? head itches. Need to finish this and get moving. But have to make it to 10 "seconds." This is a stupid idea. Losing steam already. Quit criticizing yourself. Shut up. You shut up. Shut up is one of the many crass terms contributing to the downfall of our society. Each time a kid or young person tells another to shut up - our future grows that much dumber.

:07 -- how many coins on the dresser? silence in the kitchen now. Where's Killian? What time is it? (random memory of eating at Pizza Inn with the guys a few weeks ago) I don't want to eat at Pizza Inn. Where will we eat lunch today? They'll want fast-food.... my old red sweatshirt sitting on a box near the tv - haven't worn that in a while. What am I doing at the gym today? (random glance out of the window brings instant reminder of the sky/trees looking that way on a few particular days 3 years ago) foot twitching. hope it's not serious.

:08 -- having mental conversation with Jonathan while typing this. (looks at top of dresser and assesses each item) Need to get moving. (checks the clock and calculates whether there's time to go to the gym this morning) Thud from somewhere in the house. I need to read more non-textbooks. I think it's supposed to rain today. Don't know what to have for breakfast, nothing ever sounds good. Houston Astros. Jeff Bagwell. Craig Biggio. I don't even like the Astros. Astro the dog from the Jetsons. "Rat's rall right, Reorge!" Family Guy spoofing Elroy Jetson as a burned out drunk in his grown up years being thrown out of a bar and into a cab driven by Bam Bam (from the Flintstones): "take me to Astro's grave!" This leads to the time Family Guy spoofed a Peanuts 10 year reunion where Charlie Brown was a burned out drug addict who had sold Snoopy and Woodstock bad drugs leading to their deaths. Breakfast cereal. Why the association between cereal and the Houston Astros? Maybe because the Asros' colors and logo bear some resemblence to cereal box logos and colors. Hungry. Don't want cereal. Jeans on the floor near my backpack. When did I last have a beer?

:09 -- What will people think when they read this? Will anyone actually read it? Ear itches. (random Family Guy quote) (random memory of watching the Bears play the Tennessee Titans on tv this past fall) Need to eat. My truck seat is a torture rack. Staring into space....

:10 -- What music do I feel like listening to in the truck this morning? Sudden random irritation and annoyance for no reason at all. Don't forget the hairball. Killian better be behaving wherever he is. Not good to end a setence with "is." Grammar goes out the window when documenting one's thoughts....or (insert snide comments about other real-world writing). What's today's date? Foot twitching again. Fast twitch muscle fibers. Fiber in cereal. Cereal boxes that resemble the Houston Astros logo/colors. Boo-Berry, Crunch-Berry, Count Chocula. None of those resemble the Astros. Are the Cubs going to be any good this year? Been sitting like this too long, sciatica hurts. The cheesiness and fakeness of those medic-alert bracelet commercials. (millisecond worry about growing old and hoping medical science cures the aging process) Phone call from Ryan. Train of thought destroyed. (was there a train to begin with?)


So yeah....hope you enjoyed that. I'm not sure how accurate of a description it is...in fact, I'm sure I'll think of better ways I could have described the world of ADD to you "normies" later on. But for now -- I'm off...