Look. If you people aren't going to comment on anything I write (and not to mention, keep sending me bad checks), I'm just going to stop writing my own brand of gibberish.
Nah....I'm just kidding. I wouldn't do that to you. (I felt like Ike Turner just then...Ike loves you, baby! I only beat you 'cause I love you SO much!)
Today was Mother's Day. But for the few of you who I'm pretending will actually read this, it is now at least Monday - if not several months from now. (in that case, I'm writing to you from the past....I have no words of wisdom to impart....sorry) For my mother today, I drilled holes in walls and hung pictures for her. It was actually a lot more involved than I thought it would be.
Now here's the bizarre version of the previous sentence:
Today was Mother's Day (yadda yadda yadda - nobody reads this, I'm Eeyore, self-deprecating (bad) jokes, blah blah blah)......For my mother today, I drilled holes in the wall of a bank so she could rob the place at her convenience. Then I hung pictures of her enemies being hung. It actually took a lot more time and energy than I thought it would. But it wasn't good enough. No...no it wasn't. She threw a whiskey bottle at me and shouted in her British accent "You call this a Mother's Day?! More like Crappy Son Day!" (it's likely that only those who have heard Mom's "voice" will appreciate that)
Mother's day nonsense aside, the big event of the weekend was the release of the new Star Trek movie. And it was fantastic! I was very skeptical when I first heard about it, but it blew away all the hype. They really did an excellent job with it. I've come to expect nothing but ineptitude and formulaic garbage from Hollywood in recent years. But for once, I have renewed hope. Or at least hope for the sci-fi space adventure genre. They successfully kept the essence of the old series alive while also updating and retooling for a new generation of fans. I have yet to hear of anyone walking out of that theater with anything less than positive to say about the film. Ah, but there goes my attention span....I'm tired and it's time for my random comments, obvervations, and other assorted crap:
1. I didn't win Powerball this week. They must have screwed up and sent me the wrong numbers. Or picked the wrong ones. Whatever. It'll get sorted out.
2. I don't wanna be a pirate, but I can handle being a Spartan
3. The Benton Wal-Mart's aisles must be 40% narrower than all other Wal-Marts. Also the Benton Wal-Mart's indigenous population has 20% more meth addicts and 58% more slow-moving old folks (who need their shopping cart licences revoked) than the average Wal-Mart.
4. Suggested beers of the week: Harpoon's Summer Lager and Schlafly's Kolsh.
5. No matter what the context or how crappy of a day I've had -- it's absolutely hysterical when someone vomits on Family Guy. And yes I realize that it's very "low brow" of me to laugh at it, but I don't care what you think. Unless you have money to give me....or you're a pretty lady....
6. The Land of the Lost movie comes out next month. It actually looks pretty good. Unless, of course, they did that trick where all the funny parts are only in the previews. Then Transformers comes out in July and G.I. Joe in August. It's really weird that the tv shows and toys I loved as a kid are now major summer blockbusters.
7. When Killian runs across the deck past my bedroom it sounds like a little horse galloping. No, I'm not exaggerating.
Alright, time for sleep. Happy Day After Mother's Day (all you pretend readers).
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2. I don't wanna be a pirate, but I can handle being a SpartanHave you been watching 'Deadliest Warrier' on Spike? It has become one of those shows that I can't stand but can't stop watching. All the guys are colossal douches, they're horribly unscientific, the 'doctor' looks like a med school dropout who wanted to make a quick buck, the 'computer genius' is probably checking his porn when the camera isn't on him...and yet I can't stop watching the train wreck. The show is less about finding out who would be the best warrior and more about a bunch of over stimulated guys who like to see how badly they can tear shit up. Or did I just rant about a show you've never seen and your references to Spartans and Pirates were completely unrelated?
ReplyDelete4. Suggested beers of the week: Harpoon's Summer Lager and Schlafly's Kolsh.Have you tried Reissdorf Kolsch? Love that beer. Got hooked on it from going to our local beer garden every Friday after work. I also recently tried Bells Two Hearted Ale. It's pretty good if you like hoppy beer. And I bought some Dog Fish Ale's Midas Touch which wasn't bad at all. They've got another one that's really hard to find that's supposed based on an ancient Chinese recipe.
5. No matter what the context or how crappy of a day I've had -- it's absolutely hysterical when someone vomits on Family Guy. And yes I realize that it's very "low brow" of me to laugh at it, but I don't care what you think. Unless you have money to give me....or you're a pretty lady....I lost track of Family Guy for a while but recently have been picking up the latest episodes. Yes, it's always hilarious when someone vomits.
6. The Land of the Lost movie comes out next month. It actually looks pretty good. Unless, of course, they did that trick where all the funny parts are only in the previews. Then Transformers comes out in July and G.I. Joe in August. It's really weird that the tv shows and toys I loved as a kid are now major summer blockbusters.I feel that same way...except it just makes me feel kind of old. At least we weren't around to see the original run of Star Trek.
7. When Killian runs across the deck past my bedroom it sounds like a little horse galloping. No, I'm not exaggerating.I know what you mean.