Somewhere around the severe thunderstorm we had last night and getting up to let Killian in from the lightning, wind, and rain, I had some really bad nightmares. In one I nearly had a heart attack as my heart was beating at an incredibly unhealthy pace - I just hope it was only beating that fast in the dream and not in real life as well. Because if it was...I may have done some damage to it. What observations can one make that would indicate a damaged heart? These are things everyone should know and not just medical professionals. Oh sure - "just go to the doctor." Have you tried making doctor appointments before? If you have a serious medical problem and call the doctor's office, chances are they're going to say "hmm....well, we can fit you in 3 weeks from next Tuesday." "Gee thanks, but uh, I think the infection in my foot will have either killed me or just taken the rest of my body hostage like a Somali pirate by then. So, if you have something a little sooner...like in a couple of hours maybe...that would be great..." Robots. I want medical robots. Millions of them. One in every home! Think C3PO from Star Wars but with Dr. House-ish medical knowledge. And maybe Adriana Lima's voice....
Why not just completely model them after her? Robot Adriana Limas with massive medical knowledge following you around all the time, answering every little query you have about the human body, measuring and analyzing all the little obervations you make about your own body's functioning (what? that's just me?), telling you how great you look in a polo shirt and golf shorts, giving you a massage, laughing at your jokes, doing all the driving for you...truly a miracle of modern science! Then an upgraded model could have an indestructible metal skeleton - like the Terminator - and be programmed to defend you from street gangs, killers, thieves, and other such evils that lurk in big cities. Just imagine -- being able to walk through congested, crowded, dangerous urban metropolises with the carefree stride of all the millions of people who seem to naively walk carefree through such cities! And with an impervious robot Adriana Lima at your side who finds your goofy, off-the-wall banter hilariously charming and endearing. It's the sort of future-world dream that American dreamers used to dream about....before the cynicism and societal cannibalism of the last few decades.
There was a time when dreamers looked toward the future and saw flying cars, utopic cities with smiling families, moon bases, rocket sleds, friendly aliens who were actually both little and green and who spoke in silly voices and floated around in tiny spacesuits with ridiculously impractical clear, glass space helmets complete with antennae. But lately the only futures we seem to dream about involve nuclear holocaust, disease, poverty, human isolation, eternally overcast skies and every major city resembling Detroit in Robocop, creepy gray aliens who either want to perform experiments on us, wipe us out, or control us for their own nefarious intergalactic schemes, and cool loners like Mad Max and John Connor walking the ruined landscape trying to stand up for what's right in a world gone mad.
Sure, the world is a scary place - but there's still room to dream about happy futures. Let your imagination skip past thoughts of communism and nuclear warheads and instead frolic amongst the robot Adriana Limas and little green cartoonish aliens who offer sarcastic observations on your daily life. Did I mention that the robot Adriana Limas also love sports and come programmed with an infinite number of flirtatious smiles, winks, and wiggles? Oh and maybe the capacity for love.....
But if you can't quite get past those grim visions of the future - how about a compromise? A bleak future world where robot Adriana Limas rule us all! All hail the robot Adrianas! All who oppose the Adrianas shall be destroyed! We shall have peace and harmony under the smoldering pouty eyes of our Great Leaders!
(I'll take it...)
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