Hey, let's just call it a year already.
This has been the windiest 4 months in western KY I've ever experienced. I want to see WPSD mentioning this and acknowledging that it has been unusually windy. And I don't want to hear any reference made to global warming. This is far greater than any overly-politicized issues --- this is nature straight up laughing at me. Nature knows I don't care for windy days (a breeze is nice, but gusty winds - especially on a cold and/or rainy day are just misery-inducing). Nature is being extra-extra-windy around here, but in such a way so that nobody except myself seems to notice. THAT's how insidious nature is!
How about that swine flu? Having just read most of Stephen King's "The Stand" in the last year, the flu coverage keeps filling my head with thoughts of 99.9% of the earth's population dying out and the rest having one last good vs evil battle royale.
Then we have the back-up Air Force One making unannounced photo-op flyovers of Manhattan. So much idiocy and only so little attention span within which to point out said idiocy. Why do we need to have this photo-op in the first place? Are these pictures going to have real live aliens in the foreground? Then are we going to sell the pictures to magazines across the globe and use the profits to pay off 1/29874000182363927256481238dkwudsjk02387377y29dfjer7uj77829th of all the massive debt we've racked up in the last 3 months? Hey - you know what? My cash flow is pretty bad right now (in fact, - seriously folks - I need a job post-haste), I think I'm gonna take a page from our government's playbook and just start crippling myself with massive credit card debt and loans from shady guys in bad suits down at the docks. Eventually my debt will be so large that I'll have no choice but to indefinitely keep pouring more of my income into paying off that debt (rather than keeping my hard-earned future income and spending it as I see fit -- but what do I know, it's probably better if I just let someone else decide these matters for me. Maybe someone at a central planning office can tell me what to do with my money...and maybe make my healthcare decisions for me...and tell me what to wear and what to say and what to think...life would be so much better that way...we could all get along and be happy and all the mean people in the world would start being nice....). Yep. No better way to jump-start one's financial situation than to burden oneself with massive, crippling, worry-about-it-next-year debt.
Oh, I mentioned healthcare....here's a tip: if things keep going the way they're about to be going -- buy some medical textbooks and as many medical supplies as you can get your hands on and practice on your friends and relatives. Because soon you'll be treating yourself. Or just hope you don't get sick. OR....be like the Buddhists and the Jedi and learn to "let go" of all that you fear to lose - including your health and/or life. Wouldn't that be awesome? To just live without being so afraid of death... To calmly accept that at any given time you might be leaving this life... And to not be upset in the least...
Yes, nature is an insidious and devious entity - a tormentor and a charmer - a lover and a fighter. One day she's making you shake your fists in frustration as winds blow 40 degree rain into your face and your tax returns across a flooded parking lot. The next she sparkles you with one of those life-affirming spring evenings when the sky is majestic and the trees are proud and green and deer look up from their secret distillery in the woods as you walk by, oblivious with your smiling face lost in the grandeur of one of life's rare, but sweet moments.
What really matters in life? Spending 8-14 hours a day at a job? Or being at home and around the ones you love, doing the things that interest you, appreciating the little things in this world - like the way skunks pay very little attention to humans when they're rooting around in the grass for whatever it is that skunks eat? Ah geez...here I go again...I'm about to segue into my rant about the insanity of the modern working world (or as the guys at school know this rant as: "Mindless, hopeless, soulless, life-sucking.....") with all it's obsessing over image and protocols and procedures and policies and regulations and formatting and gladhanding and preening and talking in circles and talking and saying nothing at all (like politicians, the poor soulless wretches). But I should stop myself here because all of you either a) don't care, b) don't get what I'm saying and just think I'm raving about something silly and that I'm thus wrong for raving about it, c) have been so succumbed by society that you are unable to see my point, or d) don't get that while I'm trying to make a point and express my strange view of the world, I'm also trying to amuse and entertain in some fashion.
And yet there's something about my delivery that differs from others who make similar comments/observations. Something that makes people laugh hysterically at others and just shake their heads at and dismiss me. And that makes me angry. Angry and petulant. Love that word. Petulant. It just leaps off the lips.
You know what's fun? Being an English major in engineering school and throwing your massive verbal intellect around with all the guys who love calculus and see the world in x-y graphs. A bird flies by -- I see a bird and think of ways to describe it, wonder where it's heading, give it a personality, name it Phil.... They see points on an x-y plane with a curve depicting the flight-path of the "object" as it moves in the x-direction. And throw in some sine and cosine mumbo-jumbo and some coulombs and derivatives and exponential letter "e's" and hyperbolic functions and partial derivatives and other made up crap for good measure. It's a BIRD!!!!!
We're all running out of time. Our bodies are oxidizing every day that we live, asteroids are conspiring to wipe us out, terrorists (oh wait....we don't call them that anymore - I FORGOT - how insensitive of me!) are eager to cause their "man-made disasters," (idiocy...just idiocy) influenza mutates and contorts itself into new and improved versions each year, the world's climate is warming...no wait, now it's cooling....no, it's warming...no, cooling...now it's just "chill-axing," artificial sweeteners, swimming in the ocean, breathing air, red meat, being married, being alone, tacos, long walks in the park, semicolons, and Jack Black movies all cause cancer and will kill you; Yellowstone Park is actually a giant underground volcano and will explode and wipe us all off of our couches and back to Fred Flintstone's happy stone-age family; earthquakes, tornadoes, floods, the Cloverfield monster, mass hysteria and hero-worship; and let's not forget nuclear armed countries that could very well fall under the rule of radical muslim extremist terrorists (what was the PC term that the government insists on using now? I forgot...) literally any day now. Basically there are - always have been - and always will be things that are either killing us or are actively trying to kill us (especially those dastardly asteroids....out there in space, plotting...scheming). We're always running out of time to live...to make the most of what we're given. So - RUN! Run outside and frolic with your loved ones and your pets and your car and your favorite plant! Do the things that mattter! Don't save it up for the day that comes conveniently AFTER the asteroids hit and the term-the-government-no-longer-uses-to-describe-terrorists 's attack and the socialized health care physician tells you you have 5 different types of cancer - after you wait in line for 49 business days and bribe the right folks at central planning. Get out there and spend your life wisely. Don't be like Donovan at the end of The Last Crusade and choose "poorly." Because then your body will instantaneously (and horrifically - especially if you're 9 years old and watching it happen to someone else) rot and turn to dust as your lovely (albeit traitorous) Austrian cohort shrieks in terror.
It just occured to me that this blog is almost coming across like it's the last one I'll ever write. What with the urging people to live life thing. Hopefully by pointing this out I will reverse whatever trick fate had up its sleeve.
So, let's just call it a night then. I'm sure there's a House or Family Guy on somewhere I should be watching.
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