Apparently You Can Return Beer

It seems apparent to me that they have 13 year olds creating all the commercials these days. Who else would think a Staples ad featuring a moron screaming "WOW! That's a LOW price!" over and over would be a good idea? And must I rehash my disgust and loathing of Flo from the Progressive commercials?

Did you know that you can return beer if you are unsatisfied with it? Well, perhaps it depends on the location and how well customers are treated there. Earlier in the week I purchased some Schlafly beer from my favorite local liquor store. I bought two different styles - Kolsch and the Summer Lager. I have had both previously and knew what they should and should not taste like. Unfortunately when I got home and tried each kind, I found that both tasted like cider and were rather flat. A cidery taste is often the result of adding too much sugar in the final conditioning stage. This often happens to home-brewers (yes, it happened to me). Because it happened with two different styles, the only thing I can figure is that Schlafly operates their process with a universal conditioning/bottling unit. In non-engineer-speak -- the different styles are brewed separately, then the liquid beer flows out of each tank and fills bottles. These bottles then travel along a conveyor belt along parallel or even the same path. Then they pass under some device which deposits a little extra sugar or other fermentable into each bottle which reacts with the leftover yeast to give beer that wonderful bubbly carbonation we all love. (And for the CO2-obsessed out there, this is naturally created CO2 from the chemical reaction. Large breweries like Budweiser actually pump CO2 straight into the bottle. Now, which one is more carbon-neutral and "green?" Can we consider beer bottles to be sinks for CO2? But aren't all large corporations like Budweiser evil? So pumping CO2 into beer from the surroundings must be evil...right?)

Speaking of CO2 - I haven't shared my simple idea for fixing the whole CO2 emissions thing. First, I'd like to once again point out that there are more than sufficient reasons for finding new energy sources and cleaning up pollution without even touching the CO2/climate change thing. The CO2/climate change thing has become nothing more than a politicized bulldozer for pushing through some factions' agendas. It's all about power and control. Create fear, push through the agenda that you want, and gain control. But I digress....

If we really want to get rid of CO2...why not create plants that have accelerated photosynthetic cycles to consume the excess CO2? We can genetically manipulate plants to grow faster, taller, resist disease, produce hybrid fruits, sing songs, and scare away burglars. Why not just make super-ravenous plants? Then we wouldn't have to have Cap and Trade, or bring America's economy down to the level of the rest of the world, or punish people for being successful, or have one world government, or have a massive federal government involved in every aspect of each individual's life. Just make the damn plants and let them do what God meant for them to do: Consume CO2 and produce oxygen. Oh...and let's also stop clear-cutting the Amazon while we're at it. Thanks.

Oh, just a reminder from our fearless leader -- information is a distraction. Yes, we wouldn't want people having too much information...they might get confused...better to just let the government decide for us which sources of information are true and accurate. (Psst....in case no one else is noticing, the feds are moving to make internet providers public utilities. This means they can regulate the internet without having to institute Net Neutrality. Ah, but I digress again...)

Has Orwell's 1984 been banned yet? I figure it's a little like a football team having it's playbook left on an airport bench.

Wait a minute...wasn't I talking about cidery beer? So, my beer was nasty. I didn't think there was anything that could be done other than complain to the brewery (like they were really going to throw out an entire production line of beer because someone got their flowrates wrong) and let the liquor store know of the problem. Yesterday I went in and explained to them what happened. They said they hadn't gotten any other complaints and seemed a little skeptical. They even asked if maybe the beer is supposed to taste that way. Kolsch and Summer lagers are NOT supposed to taste like flat cider. You know what IS supposed to taste like flat cider? Screwed up batches of beer that need to be thrown away. I was pleasantly surprised when the manager said I could bring the rest in for credit. Hopefully he doesn't forget that between now and the next time I can get in there with my cidery beer. The lesson: While Schlafly is one of my favorite micro-breweries -- steer clear of their products for the time being.