Stormy Night

It's always a little concerning when the weatherman says that their radar indicates a tornado is headed for your relatively exact location and even waves his hand over the spot on the map where your house is situated. In the wee hours of this morning, the weatherman did just not....and then the weatherlady who took over 20 minutes later did the same thing. Just when you think you've dodged the first tornado bullet (feeling the house shudder under the winds as in all likelihood a funnel cloud passes right over your head), the next Doplar-indicated-tornado makes an abrupt right-hand turn and heads directly for you. Twice I found myself wondering if the house was about to be ripped apart around me. Should I have gone down into the basement? Should I have put my contacts back in? I mean, who wants to get tossed around by a tornado wearing glasses? Shoes too? And maybe change shirts...don't wanna be found the next morning lodged in the base of a tree wearing an old baggy shirt that's a little too big to be wearing in public. Maybe shave too....

But thankfully we escaped the danger. Consequently i didn't get nearly enough sleep last night and shall be taking it out on the world around me. You've all been warned.

So do my dear readers know that a car bomb was found in Times Square last night? Shouldn't this be breaking news on all the news outlets? Even the state-run and state-puppeted media should be all over this.

Do my dear readers know about the Senate's latest socialist plans to institute National ID cards? At this point I shouldn't even have to be pleading with you all to wake up and face this evil head on...it should be apparent. But then, maybe the spell is still too strong...

Do my dear readers know that Soundgarden got back together and is touring??? Yes, Soundgarden!

Do my dear readers know that if I ruled the world one of the first things to go would be all Progressive insurance commercials with that wretched Flo? I HATE that company purely because of their idiotic, mindless, hopeless, insultingly annoying commercials. Not to mention their name....

While we're at it - no more "male enhancement" or Viagra/Cialis commercials. (I think i've said that before) My dad watches a lot of golf....I swear every single commercial break during golf tournaments has at least one Viagra/Cialis commercial -- "because any time could turn into the right time."

Our society has become so soft over the last few generations. That's our problem. Think back to our grandparents and the generations before them. Those were tough, responsible, rugged individuals. Now we're all a bunch of whiny, selfish, weaklings. That's why we have the culture war that we have now. Those who still hold onto values of strength, personal accountability, doing it yourself, doing the right thing, pursuing one's own success and reaping the rewards - vs - Those who want someone else to do it, who only care about their own instant gratification, who avoid hard work at all costs, who want the government to take care of them, tv to raise their kids, for successful people to be punished and forced to share the fruits of their labor out of a twisted sense of "fairness."

Maybe it all starts with the kids. Generations ago kids were brought up to be obedient and work hard. Today they're pandered to and giving everything they could want and far more than they deserve. Entitlement. A nasty thing whether given directly by the government or through behavior from parent to child.

Well, until next time, dear readers...stay out of trouble, stay out of the path of tornadoes, and don't allow the government to control you.

Pre-Christmas Thoughts

Why do "they" make it sound like getting alternate student loans for college is easy and simple? It's not. In fact, it seems much more likely that the whole thing is a scheme to get people to spend time and money going to school for 3 years and then make it impossible for them to get the necessary funds to complete their degree. Then they sit back and laugh. "They" should be rounded up and fed to pteradactyls. (I think I just misspelled pteradactyls...but I'm too lazy to go look up the correct spelling)

Is anyone else disturbed by these Gap commercials with the little girls dancing around doing a cheer about how their clothes are "officially retired?" There's just something...wrong about it. And the cheer gets stuck in my head. "I love my comfy sweater - I love my comfy sweater - how cute are these boots? how cute are these boots?" Consequently the ad has taught me the "talk to the moose" thing where you stick your hands against your head like moose-antlers (this is as opposed to simply saying "talk to the hand" and extending one's hand palm outwards.). Hey, student loan people - talk to the moose! ....and my fist....

Did anyone else hear about the octopus that carries coconut shells across the seafloor and uses them as shelter? It's the first documented instance of an invertebrate, such as an octopus, using tools. Pretty cool stuff....wish I had an octopus....I bet he could get a student loan....(grumble grumble grumble)....

Did they really come out with more stupid reality singing shows recently? I see society's IQ continues to drop at an alarming rate. Maybe an evil one-world government is just what some of this world needs. Let the rest of us go colonize Mars first, though. And we're taking the octopi with us! (That's plural for octopus)

I heard we have a chance for a tiny amount of snow on Saturday. Less than an inch. You know what this means? All the grocery stores will be cleaned out of milk and bread in the next 48 hours. All generators in the tri-state area will be sold out. Salt trucks will be running non-stop beginning at noon today. Gas lines. Gas line brawls. Shoving matches in church parking lots. 3 weeks without power. College football mascots flying F-14s and doing barrel-rolls while Van Halen blasts from gigantic hidden speakers which can somehow be heard but not seen by everyone within a 100 mile radius. ........I know I can't wait!

I just realized this morning that we don't have a Christmas tree up in the house. Wow. Just...wow. I'd also like to take this moment to metaphorically get in everyone's face and say that they are CHRISTMAS TREES not "Holiday trees." Political correctness is a disease. It's way worse than swine flu. But not as profitable as global warming....(wink)

How come it's so much easier for me to write blogs on days when I really need to be studying, writing papers, or working on important Christmas break projects for professors?

Elvis Will Have His Revenge ("in this life or the next")

It's been an intense week around here. I've been up since 4:30AM and my mind should be crashing at any time. But I feel the need to ramble a little, dear readers.

This week's entry in the Increasingly Annoying Commercial category is the entire Wendy's campaign where the cartoon "Wendy" remarks in that eye-gougingly perky voice at the end of every ad, "it's WAY better than fast-food, it's Wendy's!" It's only a matter of time before something horrible happens as a direct result of that voice. When some loon in Harrisburg, PA fills a Wendy's dining room with 8000 gallons of tartar sauce from a hijacked tartar sauce tractor trailer - you'll know what sparked the madness.

Remember a couple weeks ago when I couldn't stand seeing commercials for those movies that had been playing over and over on tv? The Last House on the Left --- "you wanna hear what I did to your daughter?" Yeah. Well, for the last two weeks they've been pounding "12 Rounds" into my brain every 10 minutes. The catch-phrase this time around is "I'm gonna hunt you down and I'm gonna kill you!" Because one year ago he took something from the bad guy "that can never be replaced!"

Do you hear that? That's the sound of Hollywood scratching around in the dumpster of creativity for ideas. Maybe they'll find a half-eaten bearclaw...maybe an old shoe....partially broken mechanical toothbrush....or maybe they'll just remake some more old movies. Yeah, sure, that works.

Tomorrow morning my beloved Miami Hurricanes will hold their annual Spring Game. But instead of getting to watch the game on tv up here, I'll be treated to a 2003 Tennessee high school softball game on CSS. Get the popcorn ready! Mom! MOM! MEATLOAF!!!

May I make some more suggestions for the Intolerably Increasingly Annoying (an ever-expanding description) Commercial category? How about any and all erectile dysfunction ads. When these first started airing I was young enough so that it was uncomfortable viewing them around the family. Now they're not so much uncomfortable as they are just annoying, repetitive, and leave me feeling like there's a giant corporation out there that doesn't think very highly of my intelligence (or most men's for that matter).

While we're at it, let's do away with that "Viva Viagra" song. Elvis Presley is going to rise from his velvet-encased grave (or karate kick his way down the ramp of his spaceship -- OR come out of seclusion from his quiet life as a groundskeeper in a tiny West Texas town) and single-handedly carve a path of destruction rivaling that of the Cloverfield monster and Jack Black on a bender combined as he wipes out every last individual involved with the desecration of his song. (That was quite a Faulkner-esque sentence. Oh wait - no - it didn't drone on pointlessly for pages about characters you could care less about and about eras of history that are best left for dead in the ditch of time. Faulker. I have a growing list of the most over-hyped and over-rated people and things. That might be two lists.... Anyway, he's on there. Along with a certain president and a Florida Gator football player (hint: a lot of people treat both of them like walking deities).) (This paragraph has so many parenthesis it's starting to look like my Excel projects from last spring's horrific computer programming class.)

Where was I? Ah yes, Elvis wreaking havoc as the nation takes a breather from all the bailouts and movie trailers. Peanut butter and banana sandwich crusts the size of Buick Skylarks littering the countryside in his wake. Sweat-soaked scarves tossed haphazardly into rivers causing untold ecological damage. And you know what Elvis will say just before he begins his vengeful mission? "I'm gonna hunt you down and I'm gonna kill you." Of course.

200 Evil Grin points (similar to Schrute Bucks) to whoever can tell what movie, actor, and line the title of this blog is a reference to.

Oh, one more thing. Yesterday just before our first exam of the day, Ryan and I were both "cracking up." For some reason he found it wildly amusing when I said I was cracking up "like a package of crakers being run over by a semi full of elephants and Nazi stormtroopers." (the elephants because they're heavy...and the Nazis because they're menacing...) So, I thought I'd share and see what the rest of you think about that.