Elvis Will Have His Revenge ("in this life or the next")

It's been an intense week around here. I've been up since 4:30AM and my mind should be crashing at any time. But I feel the need to ramble a little, dear readers.

This week's entry in the Increasingly Annoying Commercial category is the entire Wendy's campaign where the cartoon "Wendy" remarks in that eye-gougingly perky voice at the end of every ad, "it's WAY better than fast-food, it's Wendy's!" It's only a matter of time before something horrible happens as a direct result of that voice. When some loon in Harrisburg, PA fills a Wendy's dining room with 8000 gallons of tartar sauce from a hijacked tartar sauce tractor trailer - you'll know what sparked the madness.

Remember a couple weeks ago when I couldn't stand seeing commercials for those movies that had been playing over and over on tv? The Last House on the Left --- "you wanna hear what I did to your daughter?" Yeah. Well, for the last two weeks they've been pounding "12 Rounds" into my brain every 10 minutes. The catch-phrase this time around is "I'm gonna hunt you down and I'm gonna kill you!" Because one year ago he took something from the bad guy "that can never be replaced!"

Do you hear that? That's the sound of Hollywood scratching around in the dumpster of creativity for ideas. Maybe they'll find a half-eaten bearclaw...maybe an old shoe....partially broken mechanical toothbrush....or maybe they'll just remake some more old movies. Yeah, sure, that works.

Tomorrow morning my beloved Miami Hurricanes will hold their annual Spring Game. But instead of getting to watch the game on tv up here, I'll be treated to a 2003 Tennessee high school softball game on CSS. Get the popcorn ready! Mom! MOM! MEATLOAF!!!

May I make some more suggestions for the Intolerably Increasingly Annoying (an ever-expanding description) Commercial category? How about any and all erectile dysfunction ads. When these first started airing I was young enough so that it was uncomfortable viewing them around the family. Now they're not so much uncomfortable as they are just annoying, repetitive, and leave me feeling like there's a giant corporation out there that doesn't think very highly of my intelligence (or most men's for that matter).

While we're at it, let's do away with that "Viva Viagra" song. Elvis Presley is going to rise from his velvet-encased grave (or karate kick his way down the ramp of his spaceship -- OR come out of seclusion from his quiet life as a groundskeeper in a tiny West Texas town) and single-handedly carve a path of destruction rivaling that of the Cloverfield monster and Jack Black on a bender combined as he wipes out every last individual involved with the desecration of his song. (That was quite a Faulkner-esque sentence. Oh wait - no - it didn't drone on pointlessly for pages about characters you could care less about and about eras of history that are best left for dead in the ditch of time. Faulker. I have a growing list of the most over-hyped and over-rated people and things. That might be two lists.... Anyway, he's on there. Along with a certain president and a Florida Gator football player (hint: a lot of people treat both of them like walking deities).) (This paragraph has so many parenthesis it's starting to look like my Excel projects from last spring's horrific computer programming class.)

Where was I? Ah yes, Elvis wreaking havoc as the nation takes a breather from all the bailouts and movie trailers. Peanut butter and banana sandwich crusts the size of Buick Skylarks littering the countryside in his wake. Sweat-soaked scarves tossed haphazardly into rivers causing untold ecological damage. And you know what Elvis will say just before he begins his vengeful mission? "I'm gonna hunt you down and I'm gonna kill you." Of course.

200 Evil Grin points (similar to Schrute Bucks) to whoever can tell what movie, actor, and line the title of this blog is a reference to.

Oh, one more thing. Yesterday just before our first exam of the day, Ryan and I were both "cracking up." For some reason he found it wildly amusing when I said I was cracking up "like a package of crakers being run over by a semi full of elephants and Nazi stormtroopers." (the elephants because they're heavy...and the Nazis because they're menacing...) So, I thought I'd share and see what the rest of you think about that.