Oh, What a Wonderful World

Recently I was once again musing/moping about how short the football season is and how painfully long the torturous NBA season drags on with its annoyingness. Baseball has a pretty long season, but it's not annoying to me. Here's where that line of thought led:

I think part of baseball's appeal is that it's this consistent presence for about 7 months. A comforting friend that's always there. If you miss a few games during the summer because you were out doing fun warm-weather outdoor things -- no problem. Its something to check in on after dinner when you're unwinding. It's not really something to get amped up about.

I understand football takes a toll on the human body. But surely they could fit in another month or two. Ah, hell, I'm probably just being selfish and dreaming.

I don't know why I'm going on about baseball, but my favorite time for baseball is right around July 4th. The summer is almost at the midway point, you're grilling a lot, you come inside while some brats or burgers are cooking and check in on the game, you're having a few good beers, maybe your girl or buddy is over. Maybe it's a gathering of your best friends. Maybe the news comes on and says cold fusion has in fact been perfected - free energy for everyone and that most of our elected officials have stepped down after admitting to their idiocy and greed and careers of dirty dealings. Then scientists announce they have cloned Adriana Lima and are distributing 1 free clone per heterosexual male across the globe. Instantly all wars and crimes come to an end as we all bask in Adriana's glory. Old age is cured and we all live long lives while retaining the appearance of our 25 year old selves. Heath Ledger returns from the grave and immediately begins work on Dark Knight sequels. All the worlds artists, musicians, and actors get off their high horses and get busy creating grand works for humanity's enjoyment. Cancer is cured. Idiots are launched into the sun. The Canes win the NC almost every single year in disgusting displays of dominance not seen since Biblical times. Maroon 5 are executed on live tv. Reality tv is banished. Those who long for it are dealt with swiftly and vengefully by one Mr. Ray Lewis. Everyone's lives begin to make sense and a feeling of purpose and contentment spreads across the land. Birds stop flying randomly into windows. Planes stop falling from the sky. Billy Mays is chased until exhaustion by angry mobs for the rest of his days. Golf ceases to be eternally frustrating. Men are no longer allowed or even physically able to sing in those annoying nasal, high-pitched voices that all the emo kids sing with. John Mayer's evil spell is broken and he is destroyed. Snow is available on demand. (Sunshine as well) Sleep no longer leaves one more tired and sore and achey than when they went to bed........(you mean that's still just me?). Everyone learns to get along and be tolerant....or they're shot into the sun. The Cubs win the World Series -- more than once! Beer no longer kills braincells, it nurtures them, praises them, reads them stories and educates them in the schools of its choice. Anxiety-inducing big city traffic is done away with as cars drive themselves in a neat and orderly fashion. Movie studios stop pumping the same movie trailer into whatever tv I'm watching every 10 minutes for two weeks until the crappy movie comes out in theaters and then I still don't go see it but I can't stop doing the stupid lines from it even after a month has gone by "you wanna hear what I did to your daughter? I wanna hear you beg for your life." Dr. House is pulled through a wormhole from an alternate reality and is summarily cloned and distributed to every hospital. Everyone enjoys that. 50 cent tacos return to Casa Mexicana for good. Cats and dogs live in harmony and pizza is no longer fattening. Oh what a wonderful world it could be!


See? You never know what station my train of thought is going to pull into.