There's just so much flotsam floating around on the surface of my brain this morning....so here's a bit of it in random form....
1. The president spoke without knowing the facts on the Cambridge police incident and today is going to have a beer with the officer and the hatemongering, radical leftist professor who was arrested for disorderly conduct in what is being condescendingly spun as a "teaching" moment. So basically the officer, who by all accounts other than the president and other radical police-hating types (and the I'm-a-victim crowd) acted correctly, is going to be lectured to about why he was wrong. If I were Officer Crowley I would have politely declined this offer. Well...actually I probably would have taken the opportunity to make a public statement like "Sorry, I don't drink beer with sniveling Marxists who seek to gain unlimited control over the lives of Americans by lowering the nation to the level of all other nations because he believes it's not "fair" for us to succeed, not to mention rushing to shove Orwellian health care legislation down the throats of Americans who do not want the government making their health care decisions or limiting their treatment options or deciding who dies and who can live or who gets born or who gets aborted or selling out the futures of every young person in this country with more spending than any president in US history."
2. If you haven't taken a close look at this health care legislation - you really need to. And if you support it, then please wake up and realize this is not going to be good for anyone. Rationing of treatment. Having to wait months just to see a doctor. Having a bureaucrat decide whether or not you are worthy of a particular treatment. It is essentially legalized genocide of the elderly, disabled, and terminally ill. Unless, of course, you happen to be in Congress or the President -- because the new health care laws won't apply to them. Sure -- "you can keep your plan" -- that is until your policy changes or your premium changes or you change jobs -- then (unless they have since removed this sneaky, underhanded, control-freak provision) there's a little section of the bill that requires you to be put on a government approved plan. It's a little like telling the public they can still eat beef - no one's going to make a law saying they can't -- but then requiring all the cattle farmers to only use their animals for milk. It's designed so that the government can "say" that they're not going to eliminate private insurance, while at the same time all but assuring that private insurance will be eliminated. Then EVERYONE (except Congress and the president) will be on the government health care plan and the government will have incredible control and power over every single person's life.
3. Moving on....I'd recommend avoiding skin cancer if you can. Even the non-surgical methods of treatment are not that fun.
4. I'd also just like to say that John Mayer is a menace to humanity and must be destroyed.
Liking John Mayer = liking reality tv = liking MTV = liking government run health care = liking socialism = liking eating the contents of dirty diapers = DMB fans = thinking guys who sing with nasal-high-pitched-whiny voices and/or fake pronounced breaths during singing (a la Mayer, Jonas Bros, and the Family Guy example of a douchebag with guitar singing the song about Water under a tree to a group of girls) are amazing = being an idiot = needing to be ____.
Also, the band Phish and anyone associated with Rolling Stone magazine get _____ as well.
Bill Hicks quote and blank sections have been edited by the political correctness police.
5. I aced my summer class. Hurray for me. And I did it with cancer. See -- having cancer does make you better at things.
6. Apparently there is a nation-wide severe tomato blight going around this year. So perhaps my tomato growing struggles are not just my own. The birds still refuse to eat the hornworms that I offer them.
7. Football is almost here! The long miserable off-season is nearly over. Consider this: 4 months from now the football seasons will be winding down. But 4 months AGO - it had already been several months since we last had football in our lives! Meanwhile the NBA and NHL are allowed to drag on 9 months out of the year with their wretched sports. It's a crime against humanity! Almost as bad as Marxists running our country and trying to turn it into a socialist utopia - where there is no middle class, those who work hard, succeed, and earn money are punished and have their wealth redistributed, and small businesses are starved into extinction. But football is almost here...there is hope for both my Canes and Bears...
8. The weather this past month has been absolutely wonderful! I cannot remember a July this temperate (77-85 mostly). Plus we haven't had our usual drought. It's been quite lovely, I say, quite lovely...
Alright, that's all for now. Tune in next week when I insult the lawnmower and then invite it into the garage to lecture it on why it should feel bad and apologize to me.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Always Look on the Bright Side of....Skin Cancer?
I just learned from my dermatologist's office that the little spot above my eye is/was indeed a small cancer. I should be fine - if there's a good kind of cancer to get, this sounds about like it. I have to put some special cancer-fighting ointment on it and go back to the doctor in a few months.
I can't help but wonder if I would be allowed to get that special ointment under the nationalized health care. Did you know that in Great Britain they have a board (the acronym is NICE) which essentially serves as a rationing board. They determine which medicines, treatments, etc can or can't be used and the best course of treatment in individual cases. Remember, the biggest insanity of the nationalized/universal/obama-care health plan is that it will no longer be up to you and your doctor to make decisions regarding your health and your treatment -- it will be bureaucrats.
Something else I feel I have to beat into everyone's heads: Just because a politician (or Supreme Court nominee) says something does NOT mean it is a) true, b) how they really feel, or c) what they really plan to do. In fact, it's usually the opposite. Look at their actions, their initiatives, their stances -- and use your brain to piece together for yourself what this person is all about. Right now there is a power grab underway - and one of the key factors is the general public's lack of attention span and incredible tendency to be distracted.
The obama-care plan has a rationing board, too. Their acronym is ICE.
Oh, and uh, the president and Congress? The universal health care plan does not apply to them. Just us. The little people. After all, we're not smart enough or enlightened enough to decide things for ourselves. And a bunch of us "cling" to our "guns and religion." We need a big government there to take care of us and watch us and think for us and decide when we die and if we can even be born.
Ah, but where was I? Oh yes....cancer. I have cancer. And I'm looking on the bright side of it. Here's a few of the good things that now come with my diagnosis:
1. Cancer jokes! It's like when Jerry Seinfeld's dentist converted to Judaism and began making Jewish jokes.
2. Attention and sympathy from friends, professors, and pretty nurses. (I don't care how small or non-life-threatening the cancer is -- if I have to deal with a cancer in my body, by golly, I have the right to make the most of it!)
3. Nike endorsement deals and commercials of me riding a bike while chugging Gatorade and pitching no-hitters in my Under-Armour in between hardcore workouts and winning all those Relay-For-Life races.
4. From now on, I have a new rock-solid comeback to anything: "Yeah well, I had cancer!"
5. No more getting teased for putting on sunblock before and during every round of golf.
6. Instantly a large portion of my favorite movie lines now can be slightly altered to include cancer as the subject and thus gain new significance: "They may take tiny portions of our skin - but they'll never take - our - FREEDOM!"
I'm sure there's more, but I get the feeling I'm bordering on In-Bad-Taste-Land here....Wait a minute, I'm the one with cancer! You can't criticize me! I can do whatever I want!
(it's really annoying having such a powerful and immensely large internal critic that you automatically "hear" friends' criticizing you before you do something...it's probably why writing is such a struggle at times....)
I can't help but wonder if I would be allowed to get that special ointment under the nationalized health care. Did you know that in Great Britain they have a board (the acronym is NICE) which essentially serves as a rationing board. They determine which medicines, treatments, etc can or can't be used and the best course of treatment in individual cases. Remember, the biggest insanity of the nationalized/universal/obama-care health plan is that it will no longer be up to you and your doctor to make decisions regarding your health and your treatment -- it will be bureaucrats.
Something else I feel I have to beat into everyone's heads: Just because a politician (or Supreme Court nominee) says something does NOT mean it is a) true, b) how they really feel, or c) what they really plan to do. In fact, it's usually the opposite. Look at their actions, their initiatives, their stances -- and use your brain to piece together for yourself what this person is all about. Right now there is a power grab underway - and one of the key factors is the general public's lack of attention span and incredible tendency to be distracted.
The obama-care plan has a rationing board, too. Their acronym is ICE.
Oh, and uh, the president and Congress? The universal health care plan does not apply to them. Just us. The little people. After all, we're not smart enough or enlightened enough to decide things for ourselves. And a bunch of us "cling" to our "guns and religion." We need a big government there to take care of us and watch us and think for us and decide when we die and if we can even be born.
Ah, but where was I? Oh yes....cancer. I have cancer. And I'm looking on the bright side of it. Here's a few of the good things that now come with my diagnosis:
1. Cancer jokes! It's like when Jerry Seinfeld's dentist converted to Judaism and began making Jewish jokes.
2. Attention and sympathy from friends, professors, and pretty nurses. (I don't care how small or non-life-threatening the cancer is -- if I have to deal with a cancer in my body, by golly, I have the right to make the most of it!)
3. Nike endorsement deals and commercials of me riding a bike while chugging Gatorade and pitching no-hitters in my Under-Armour in between hardcore workouts and winning all those Relay-For-Life races.
4. From now on, I have a new rock-solid comeback to anything: "Yeah well, I had cancer!"
5. No more getting teased for putting on sunblock before and during every round of golf.
6. Instantly a large portion of my favorite movie lines now can be slightly altered to include cancer as the subject and thus gain new significance: "They may take tiny portions of our skin - but they'll never take - our - FREEDOM!"
I'm sure there's more, but I get the feeling I'm bordering on In-Bad-Taste-Land here....Wait a minute, I'm the one with cancer! You can't criticize me! I can do whatever I want!
(it's really annoying having such a powerful and immensely large internal critic that you automatically "hear" friends' criticizing you before you do something...it's probably why writing is such a struggle at times....)
Monday, July 13, 2009
Irritant Interview
We're coming to you live from the sidelines where a veritable rogues gallery of Irritants have assembled themselves here on this field of battle to pester, frustrate, annoy, enrage, and otherwise upset our regular intrepid writer. (Before anyone begins with the snide remarks about how none of the following is all that important or significant in the grand scheme of things and that our dear friend should control himself like a walking robot devoid of emotions - please note that we here at The Evil Grin recognize the insignificance of life's little annoyances and that this entire blog is meant to entertain and amuse, so please...just relax.)
It's nearly halftime now and here come the mosquitoes - bathed in Rick's blood as they leave the field. We go to our sideline reporter, the lovely Kate Beckinsale in her leather catsuit. And for our Human Resources department, notice that I in no way implied, insinuated, or stated that the catsuit made her appear sexy, "hot," or attractive in any manner. I simply made a factual observation that she is wearing a leather catsuit. My statement was no more harassing than if I were to point out that someone's pet chimpanzee were wearing a diaper.
Kate: The mosquitoes have just finished ravaging Rick's ankles while he was outside lamenting the condition of his tomato plants. All summer long these mosquitoes have been on the attack, morning, noon, and night with no apparent need for rest or other interests besides following Rick around and slowly draining him of bodily fluids.
Sounds like he'd prefer to have you following him around....
Kate: Yes, I think that would be fairly obvious. The mosquitoes are now going to lurk here on the sidelines until Rick ventures outside again. Mosquitoes, tell us, how effective were you at irritating Rick?
Mosquitoes: Oh man, it was great! We knew he was going to come out and check on those tomato plants, right? So we made a plan with the plants to team up on him. While he was busy getting frustrated with them we hit him from below. We focused on his ankles on purpose, you see? That way there would be the added irritation of wondering WHY we only chewed on his ankles! In his mind, it was almost as if we did it on purpose - which takes the frustration value to a whole 'nother level!
Kate: I see. He did seem quite aggravated as he tried to combat you fellows while also dealing with the plants. I hear the tomato plants really have been giving Rick trouble lately. For more on that, let's go back to our soon-to-be-blacklisted-for-sexual-harassment-analyst in the booth.
Thanks, Kate. We'll always have that time you passed out at the Christmas party. What? You don't remember that? Awww, that's a shame.... Anyway, yes, the tomato plants have been a great irritant lately as nothing Rick does seems to be keeping them healthy. First there were soil problems, then a case of black spot blight, then drainage issues, then more blight, and recently the dreaded Hornworm invasion began. Now some of the plants are just about beyond saving and others appear headed towards imminent doom. Just as the mosquitoes were settling in at the Rick buffet, he noticed that one of the healthier (and more productive) plants had, for no apparent reason, split down the middle under the weight of all the fruit it was bearing. It seems there's just no winning this season with the tomato plants. Rick thought he'd learned a lot from last season and that this year would see marked improvement. But that has not been the case. Truly frustrating.
Let's recap the first half of today's matchup: The onslaught began when Rick awoke at 5AM unable to sleep due to fighting cats and indigestion. The cats have been going at it all week and both appear to be staking claim to Rick's person. The indigestion has not gone away today, like a little old lady holding onto a marble rye - it just won't give up. Then chemistry joined the fray with it's seemingly pointless and confusing-just-for-the-sake-of-being-confusing subject matter. Do they ever explain how to make penicillin or plastic or clean water? No, just more calculus and irritating X-Y graphs that only seem useful to people who see the world in X-Y graph form. But Rick does not see the world in X-Y graph form -- when he sees a tree, he sees a tree! Not a series of points on a graph with a mindless curve and an insipid slope and a made-up-mumbo-jumbo natural log! These things do not matter! They have no place in reality! A sine curve means nothing! But a fist through a computer screen means everything!
Oh...he's fully enraged now. They've blown the whistle for halftime and they are trying to placate him and get him off of the field before he starts breaking things. He's hungry and the day is slipping away from him and I can see that desperate gleam in his eyes! He's pummeling the referees now. It appears he's filling one's mouth with polysporin, the same substance that has caused the allergic outbreak on his forehead. Please remove small children from the room! He has his chemistry textbook now....he's screaming at the crowd....he's pointing....I keep hearing something about how most of the people in this world are idiots....now he's punted the textbook and is running towards one end of the stadium. He appears to be headed towards some sort of large, tarp-covered object. He's removing the tarp...it's a van or truck of some kind. There's writing on the side.....it says, "Roving Gas Chambers: The Cure For Idiocy and Human Cancers - Because SLaughter is the Best Medicine." Oh, he stole that bit about slaughter from The Dark Knight! What a cheap bastard! He's doing donuts in the middle of the stadium now. Now he's headed for the sidelines! He just mowed over the mosquitoes! They're splattered all over the windshield! How he can still see to run over the tomato plants and chemistry books I can't fathom, but he's doing it! Now his bills are on the run! He's a madman, ladies and gentlemen! He's exiting the stadium! He's loose! My God, he's loose!
(We here at The Evil Grin would like to thank you for indulging us in another good idea gone wrong. As always, we're working to not over-think these things and instead allow them to develop naturally...but not in a "Green" cult kind of way. The Green cult can die in a fire. Perhaps we here at The Evil Grin need to go eat something before we go off the deep end of the Hitler pool.)
It's nearly halftime now and here come the mosquitoes - bathed in Rick's blood as they leave the field. We go to our sideline reporter, the lovely Kate Beckinsale in her leather catsuit. And for our Human Resources department, notice that I in no way implied, insinuated, or stated that the catsuit made her appear sexy, "hot," or attractive in any manner. I simply made a factual observation that she is wearing a leather catsuit. My statement was no more harassing than if I were to point out that someone's pet chimpanzee were wearing a diaper.
Kate: The mosquitoes have just finished ravaging Rick's ankles while he was outside lamenting the condition of his tomato plants. All summer long these mosquitoes have been on the attack, morning, noon, and night with no apparent need for rest or other interests besides following Rick around and slowly draining him of bodily fluids.
Sounds like he'd prefer to have you following him around....
Kate: Yes, I think that would be fairly obvious. The mosquitoes are now going to lurk here on the sidelines until Rick ventures outside again. Mosquitoes, tell us, how effective were you at irritating Rick?
Mosquitoes: Oh man, it was great! We knew he was going to come out and check on those tomato plants, right? So we made a plan with the plants to team up on him. While he was busy getting frustrated with them we hit him from below. We focused on his ankles on purpose, you see? That way there would be the added irritation of wondering WHY we only chewed on his ankles! In his mind, it was almost as if we did it on purpose - which takes the frustration value to a whole 'nother level!
Kate: I see. He did seem quite aggravated as he tried to combat you fellows while also dealing with the plants. I hear the tomato plants really have been giving Rick trouble lately. For more on that, let's go back to our soon-to-be-blacklisted-for-sexual-harassment-analyst in the booth.
Thanks, Kate. We'll always have that time you passed out at the Christmas party. What? You don't remember that? Awww, that's a shame.... Anyway, yes, the tomato plants have been a great irritant lately as nothing Rick does seems to be keeping them healthy. First there were soil problems, then a case of black spot blight, then drainage issues, then more blight, and recently the dreaded Hornworm invasion began. Now some of the plants are just about beyond saving and others appear headed towards imminent doom. Just as the mosquitoes were settling in at the Rick buffet, he noticed that one of the healthier (and more productive) plants had, for no apparent reason, split down the middle under the weight of all the fruit it was bearing. It seems there's just no winning this season with the tomato plants. Rick thought he'd learned a lot from last season and that this year would see marked improvement. But that has not been the case. Truly frustrating.
Let's recap the first half of today's matchup: The onslaught began when Rick awoke at 5AM unable to sleep due to fighting cats and indigestion. The cats have been going at it all week and both appear to be staking claim to Rick's person. The indigestion has not gone away today, like a little old lady holding onto a marble rye - it just won't give up. Then chemistry joined the fray with it's seemingly pointless and confusing-just-for-the-sake-of-being-confusing subject matter. Do they ever explain how to make penicillin or plastic or clean water? No, just more calculus and irritating X-Y graphs that only seem useful to people who see the world in X-Y graph form. But Rick does not see the world in X-Y graph form -- when he sees a tree, he sees a tree! Not a series of points on a graph with a mindless curve and an insipid slope and a made-up-mumbo-jumbo natural log! These things do not matter! They have no place in reality! A sine curve means nothing! But a fist through a computer screen means everything!
Oh...he's fully enraged now. They've blown the whistle for halftime and they are trying to placate him and get him off of the field before he starts breaking things. He's hungry and the day is slipping away from him and I can see that desperate gleam in his eyes! He's pummeling the referees now. It appears he's filling one's mouth with polysporin, the same substance that has caused the allergic outbreak on his forehead. Please remove small children from the room! He has his chemistry textbook now....he's screaming at the crowd....he's pointing....I keep hearing something about how most of the people in this world are idiots....now he's punted the textbook and is running towards one end of the stadium. He appears to be headed towards some sort of large, tarp-covered object. He's removing the tarp...it's a van or truck of some kind. There's writing on the side.....it says, "Roving Gas Chambers: The Cure For Idiocy and Human Cancers - Because SLaughter is the Best Medicine." Oh, he stole that bit about slaughter from The Dark Knight! What a cheap bastard! He's doing donuts in the middle of the stadium now. Now he's headed for the sidelines! He just mowed over the mosquitoes! They're splattered all over the windshield! How he can still see to run over the tomato plants and chemistry books I can't fathom, but he's doing it! Now his bills are on the run! He's a madman, ladies and gentlemen! He's exiting the stadium! He's loose! My God, he's loose!
(We here at The Evil Grin would like to thank you for indulging us in another good idea gone wrong. As always, we're working to not over-think these things and instead allow them to develop naturally...but not in a "Green" cult kind of way. The Green cult can die in a fire. Perhaps we here at The Evil Grin need to go eat something before we go off the deep end of the Hitler pool.)
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Indigestive Blogging
Too much pizza tonight. I have no reason to really feel guilty about indulging tonight, yet guilty is what I feel. Last night it was oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Around 10pm I decided to make them...and ate about a dozen....and then had more for breakfast this morning. But I don't have any reason to feel guilty. I've been working out hard lately - if anything, I could stand to put on a few pounds. Yet guilty I feel.
What else...what else....sometimes I wish I had one interest (like other bloggers) that I could focus on solely and write daily blogs about just that one topic. I guess I could start a different blog for each subject that interests me. No, the problem with that would not be coming up with things to say or keeping track of each blog. No, the problem would be: a) deciding WHICH subjects are interesting enough to me to be worth writing about regularly, b) not getting bored by these subjects, and c) not obsessively fretting over whether or not those subjects are truly my primary interests and if people will define me by those interests.
I signed up for Twitter last night. I'm not sure why....I suppose I was mostly curious. It's pretty interesting to follow famous people/musicians/etc that one is interested in. Someday people will hang on my every "tweet," just you wait....
September is shaping up to be a spectacular month. First - we have both the college and pro football seasons kicking off. As I say on an almost daily basis, the wretched NBA and NHL seasons seem to last year round - they taunt me as they drag on while the too-short football seasons barely get 4-5 months. I'm excited about both my Canes and Bears this year.
Second, we have Oktoberfest -- my favorite season for beer drinking....although, I do LOVE a nice cold summer lager at the end of a hot day....oh man....it's 11:30 and I'm about to go to sleep, but one of those sounds GREAT right now!
Third, music: Pearl Jam, Muse, and Alice In Chains are all scheduled to release new albums in the month of September.
Still no news on the mystery spot the doctor removed from my temple. But apparently I've had an allergic reaction to either the bandage or the polysporin I was using on the wound. I now have a vibrantly nasty colony of bumps surrounding the little craterous area where the potential cancer once lived. This has happened before...but I thought polysporin was okay and Neosporin was the suspect....hmmm.....apparently the list of odd things I'm allergic to is still growing...
What else...what else....sometimes I wish I had one interest (like other bloggers) that I could focus on solely and write daily blogs about just that one topic. I guess I could start a different blog for each subject that interests me. No, the problem with that would not be coming up with things to say or keeping track of each blog. No, the problem would be: a) deciding WHICH subjects are interesting enough to me to be worth writing about regularly, b) not getting bored by these subjects, and c) not obsessively fretting over whether or not those subjects are truly my primary interests and if people will define me by those interests.
I signed up for Twitter last night. I'm not sure why....I suppose I was mostly curious. It's pretty interesting to follow famous people/musicians/etc that one is interested in. Someday people will hang on my every "tweet," just you wait....
September is shaping up to be a spectacular month. First - we have both the college and pro football seasons kicking off. As I say on an almost daily basis, the wretched NBA and NHL seasons seem to last year round - they taunt me as they drag on while the too-short football seasons barely get 4-5 months. I'm excited about both my Canes and Bears this year.
Second, we have Oktoberfest -- my favorite season for beer drinking....although, I do LOVE a nice cold summer lager at the end of a hot day....oh man....it's 11:30 and I'm about to go to sleep, but one of those sounds GREAT right now!
Third, music: Pearl Jam, Muse, and Alice In Chains are all scheduled to release new albums in the month of September.
Still no news on the mystery spot the doctor removed from my temple. But apparently I've had an allergic reaction to either the bandage or the polysporin I was using on the wound. I now have a vibrantly nasty colony of bumps surrounding the little craterous area where the potential cancer once lived. This has happened before...but I thought polysporin was okay and Neosporin was the suspect....hmmm.....apparently the list of odd things I'm allergic to is still growing...
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Can We Split the Country In Two Yet?
(The following is from 6/30/09...it fell into a dark and murky corner of the blog until now)
I was planning on ranting and raving a little about the new Transformers movie, but other people have already covered it pretty well. Yes, I enjoyed it, but it was still one of the worst directed/produced movies I've ever seen. There's currently a headline article on Yahoo news about the atrocious plot holes. I also came across a chuckle-inducing (but not family friendly) satirical question and answer session about the movie. It was basically supposed to be one friend asking another friend about the movie. Very well done. Bravo to whoever wrote it.
Even now, 2 days after seeing the film, I still have these random realizations of moments in the movie that made no sense. Such as....
Since when is there a giant field behind the Smithsonian filled with retired aircraft?
How are the presence of Transformers on Earth a secret despite an epic battle in the middle of Los Angeles in the first movie?
How is that humans can go to Robot Heaven?
Robot Heaven????
Why does a movie about giant alien robots have to focus so much on a teenage love story and have annoying side characters while perfectly good giant alien robots spend most of the movie either in the background, off screen, or not saying anything?
How come the movies weren't preempted with more Michael Jackson coverage?
I could go on and on....but like I said, others have already taken the movie (and its abysmal director) to task. Despite my many, MANY complaints - it was still an entertaining movie...but it could have been SO much better. Just let me direct it next time. Please. There won't be any Shia LaBeouf, no Meagan Fox, no annoying side characters (like pointless roommates who do nothing but scream and be non-funny), no love story, no slow-motion cut-scenes in the middle of a big battle, no massive plot holes at every turn, no pushing the awesome giant alien robots to the background of the movie while lame-o humans occupy most of the screentime, and no killing off giant alien robots before they've had a chance to establish themselves.
(The following is from today....fresher and unlike it's older friend, not scarred-for-life from spending a week alone in the dark)
So I went to the dermatologist yesterday to have a suspect spot on my temple examined. The doctor took a quick look, could not determine what exactly it was, and then decided it needed to be cut off. A couple of minutes later a small chunk of my skin was being prepared for its journey to a lab and I was left pondering the fate of my modeling career (I'm joking....geez....). Hopefully it will turn out to be nothing, but then again, it could be the big C word. And this got me to thinking....have you ever noticed that we as a culture seem to hold cancer survivors in some higher regard? Like veterans or firefighters. If two people are applying for a job with the exact same qualifications - but one happens to be a cancer survivor - you know who's getting hired. Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this....it's just an interesting component of our human nature.
Anyway, it's SO comforting when the doctor says "I don't know what that is....let's remove it," and then asks if there's a history of skin cancer in your family.
Seems like our government is still working diligently at driving our country into the ground. Cap and Trade, nationalized health care, ANOTHER stimulus plan....it's getting to the point where someone who openly wanted to ruin the US and had unlimited power to do so couldn't do much better of a job than those who are currently running the show. Ultimately the problem is too many of us are apathetic, too many of us are idiots, too many of us are too easily confused/misled, and too many of us have been raised (whether consciously or subconsciously) to view America as the bad guy in all situations. We all get lazy at times, we all can act stupidly, we all can get lost in rhetoric and politics. Unfortunately a growing chunk of the population seems to be all those things (and more) all the time. (I have a term for it...but I can't share it because I haven't copyrighted it yet...)
And this week Al freakin' Franken became a US Senator. So now you no longer have to have any credentials to hold any office in this country. None. We can start randomly selecting people to fill every position from President to Secretary of Education. How about the local Prom Queen? She doesn't need more experience - people like her, they look up to her, they voted for her, so she can bring people together. Plus she's really pretty and speaks so well!
Al Franken as a senator is the liberal equivalent of Ted Nugent or Jerry Falwell or some other extremist with no real experience or credentials getting elected to the same position. Actually Rush Limbaugh might be a better comparison, but at least he didn't become famous for being a comedian. Perhaps you're saying to your computer (or at least I know I can hear my own friends' snide voices in my head right now saying it), "oh, you're just saying that because he's a Democrat! If Rush Limbaugh or Clint Eastwood or Bruce Willis got elected as Republican Senators you'd love it and find nothing wrong with it! You're just a vicious stupid right-winger anyway! Nothing you say matters because you think unborn babies count for something! BOOOOOO!!!!!" (Okay, maybe I got carried away there....) The point is, I don't think Limbaugh as a senator would be a good thing, even though I think he would be a slightly less ridiculous choice than Franken if only because Franken spent most of his career being a comedian. Had Franken never been in the entertainment industry and instead spent all these years as a serious political commentator - then I would put him on equal standing with Limbaugh...and would still say it's ridiculous for either of them to be a senator. Clint on the other hand....I'm sorry, I'd have to vote for him. It's Clint Eastwood! He shoots no-good scoundrels and teaches personal accountability and self-reliance. He IS rugged individualism! Plus at least he's held public office before!
I was planning on ranting and raving a little about the new Transformers movie, but other people have already covered it pretty well. Yes, I enjoyed it, but it was still one of the worst directed/produced movies I've ever seen. There's currently a headline article on Yahoo news about the atrocious plot holes. I also came across a chuckle-inducing (but not family friendly) satirical question and answer session about the movie. It was basically supposed to be one friend asking another friend about the movie. Very well done. Bravo to whoever wrote it.
Even now, 2 days after seeing the film, I still have these random realizations of moments in the movie that made no sense. Such as....
Since when is there a giant field behind the Smithsonian filled with retired aircraft?
How are the presence of Transformers on Earth a secret despite an epic battle in the middle of Los Angeles in the first movie?
How is that humans can go to Robot Heaven?
Robot Heaven????
Why does a movie about giant alien robots have to focus so much on a teenage love story and have annoying side characters while perfectly good giant alien robots spend most of the movie either in the background, off screen, or not saying anything?
How come the movies weren't preempted with more Michael Jackson coverage?
I could go on and on....but like I said, others have already taken the movie (and its abysmal director) to task. Despite my many, MANY complaints - it was still an entertaining movie...but it could have been SO much better. Just let me direct it next time. Please. There won't be any Shia LaBeouf, no Meagan Fox, no annoying side characters (like pointless roommates who do nothing but scream and be non-funny), no love story, no slow-motion cut-scenes in the middle of a big battle, no massive plot holes at every turn, no pushing the awesome giant alien robots to the background of the movie while lame-o humans occupy most of the screentime, and no killing off giant alien robots before they've had a chance to establish themselves.
(The following is from today....fresher and unlike it's older friend, not scarred-for-life from spending a week alone in the dark)
So I went to the dermatologist yesterday to have a suspect spot on my temple examined. The doctor took a quick look, could not determine what exactly it was, and then decided it needed to be cut off. A couple of minutes later a small chunk of my skin was being prepared for its journey to a lab and I was left pondering the fate of my modeling career (I'm joking....geez....). Hopefully it will turn out to be nothing, but then again, it could be the big C word. And this got me to thinking....have you ever noticed that we as a culture seem to hold cancer survivors in some higher regard? Like veterans or firefighters. If two people are applying for a job with the exact same qualifications - but one happens to be a cancer survivor - you know who's getting hired. Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this....it's just an interesting component of our human nature.
Anyway, it's SO comforting when the doctor says "I don't know what that is....let's remove it," and then asks if there's a history of skin cancer in your family.
Seems like our government is still working diligently at driving our country into the ground. Cap and Trade, nationalized health care, ANOTHER stimulus plan....it's getting to the point where someone who openly wanted to ruin the US and had unlimited power to do so couldn't do much better of a job than those who are currently running the show. Ultimately the problem is too many of us are apathetic, too many of us are idiots, too many of us are too easily confused/misled, and too many of us have been raised (whether consciously or subconsciously) to view America as the bad guy in all situations. We all get lazy at times, we all can act stupidly, we all can get lost in rhetoric and politics. Unfortunately a growing chunk of the population seems to be all those things (and more) all the time. (I have a term for it...but I can't share it because I haven't copyrighted it yet...)
And this week Al freakin' Franken became a US Senator. So now you no longer have to have any credentials to hold any office in this country. None. We can start randomly selecting people to fill every position from President to Secretary of Education. How about the local Prom Queen? She doesn't need more experience - people like her, they look up to her, they voted for her, so she can bring people together. Plus she's really pretty and speaks so well!
Al Franken as a senator is the liberal equivalent of Ted Nugent or Jerry Falwell or some other extremist with no real experience or credentials getting elected to the same position. Actually Rush Limbaugh might be a better comparison, but at least he didn't become famous for being a comedian. Perhaps you're saying to your computer (or at least I know I can hear my own friends' snide voices in my head right now saying it), "oh, you're just saying that because he's a Democrat! If Rush Limbaugh or Clint Eastwood or Bruce Willis got elected as Republican Senators you'd love it and find nothing wrong with it! You're just a vicious stupid right-winger anyway! Nothing you say matters because you think unborn babies count for something! BOOOOOO!!!!!" (Okay, maybe I got carried away there....) The point is, I don't think Limbaugh as a senator would be a good thing, even though I think he would be a slightly less ridiculous choice than Franken if only because Franken spent most of his career being a comedian. Had Franken never been in the entertainment industry and instead spent all these years as a serious political commentator - then I would put him on equal standing with Limbaugh...and would still say it's ridiculous for either of them to be a senator. Clint on the other hand....I'm sorry, I'd have to vote for him. It's Clint Eastwood! He shoots no-good scoundrels and teaches personal accountability and self-reliance. He IS rugged individualism! Plus at least he's held public office before!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Meagan Fox and My Inner Critic
Recently my dear mother kept an article from the Wall Street Journal (one of the few newspapers left that hasn't devolved into "rag" status or merely a propaganda forum) for me to read. It was about how many or most of us have an inner critic, who often can be more harsh than any outside voice. I've been telling people for a decade that I'm a perfectionist with an over-active and extremely Hitler-esque inner critic. Often this Inner Hitler had been an obstacle in nearly everything I attempt. Particularly (since about middle school) in my writing.
So, although the article was nothing new to me, it was nice to see the positives and negatives of self-criticism being acknowledged. The article also contained a brief quiz meant to assess one's level of self-criticism and perfectionism. 15 statements with a certain number of points allotted for the level of agreement with each statement.
Okay, fine. Since I can almost read your thoughts right now, I'll go ahead and give you what you want and type out the whole stupid quiz so you can take it yourself. (but if I get sued for copyright infringement, I blame you all)
For each statement, indicate the number that best describes how you feel most of the time.
1 - Totally disagree; 2 - Disagree very much; 3 - Disagree slightly; 4 - neutral; 5 - Agree slightly; 6 - Agree very much; 7 - Totally agree
1. It is difficult to be happy unless one is good-looking, intelligent, rich and creative.
2. People will probably think less of me if I make a mistake.
3. If I do not do well all the time, people will not respect me.
4. If a person asks for help, it is a sign of weakness.
5. If I do not do as well as other people, it means I am a weak person.
6. If I fail at my work, then I am a failure as a person.
7. If you cannot do something well, there is little point in doing it at all.
8. If someone disagrees with me, it probably indicates he does not like me.
9. If I fail partly, it is as bad as being a complete failure.
10. If other people know what you are really like, they will think less of you.
11. If I don't set the highest standards for myself, I am likely to end up a second-rate person.
12. If I am to be a worthwhile person, I must be the best in at least one way.
13. People who have good ideas are better than those who do not.
14. I should be upset if I make a mistake.
15. If I ask a question, it makes me look stupid.
I went through the quiz and came to a score of 59. (and that was being conservative) 54 or higher indicates a high level of self-criticism and perfectionism. 39 is average and 24 or less indicates a low level of self-criticism and perfectionism.
So how did everyone do? I'd love to hear some of your scores. C'mon...I shared mine...
Okay...onto my other topic of the day: Meagan Fox. She does nothing for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah - technically she's gorgeous, but her portrayed image just comes across as so vapid, shallow, and lacking personality that her physical beauty is completely negated. When I hear a fellow man gasping through barely restrained wanton desire the many perceived wonders of Ms. Fox, I know that man does not place much value on intelligence, personality, charm, poise, and other non-mammalian traits of attraction. Give me Kate Beckinsale any day over Fox. Beckinsale's (or at least her portrayed image) the kind of woman who can kill the undead in skintight black leather, go frolicking on the beach with you, laugh at your stupid jokes, move you to write songs and lay waste to countless villages, and still tuck the kids in at night while saving energy for quality time with her man. Hmm....wouldn't it be ironic if in reality both Fox and Beckinsale were nothing like their images -- or even reversed? (and when I talk about portrayed images, I don't exactly mean the roles they play in movies, but rather how they come across as real people) Regardless, I'm sticking with Becks.
Oh, and let's not forget Fox's little comments about how she wishes Megatron (the villain from the Transformers movies) would blow up middle America with all it's Bible-thumping rednecks. I don't have her exact quote handy, but if you replace all the descriptors she used pertaining to many average Christians in this country with words that describe terrorists or a random minority group, her statement would have been heralded as racist, immoral, unconscionable, and stupid. But thanks to our cultures wacky double-standards, it's still totally cool to say bad things about Christians and "middle America." After all, they just "cling to their guns and religion".....wait a minute, Fox didn't say that part....who was that again? Oh yeah...
A few more random comments before I go:
1. I've found recently that it is actually EASIER for me to run the hotter and muggier it is outside. I've always been unable to run in cold weather - harder to breath, the throat burns, nose runs, muscles ache and feel lifeless. Perhaps the warmer, more humid air helps keep my body loose. This could help particularly with my chronic sciatica problems. Whatever it is, this recent heat wave of 90 degree temperatures has me bursting with energy each time I go for a run.
2. Salmon could be the perfect food. There's nothing bad in it and each fillet (at least the one's in the freezer) has about 40 grams of protein! For someone as health conscious and mildly-addicted to working out as me, that's a gold mine! Last night I made an amazing salmon salad -- and normally I don't care for meat mixed with vegetables in salad-form. It was so good I ate the leftovers for breakfast this morning -- and I just might make it again tonight!
So, although the article was nothing new to me, it was nice to see the positives and negatives of self-criticism being acknowledged. The article also contained a brief quiz meant to assess one's level of self-criticism and perfectionism. 15 statements with a certain number of points allotted for the level of agreement with each statement.
Okay, fine. Since I can almost read your thoughts right now, I'll go ahead and give you what you want and type out the whole stupid quiz so you can take it yourself. (but if I get sued for copyright infringement, I blame you all)
For each statement, indicate the number that best describes how you feel most of the time.
1 - Totally disagree; 2 - Disagree very much; 3 - Disagree slightly; 4 - neutral; 5 - Agree slightly; 6 - Agree very much; 7 - Totally agree
1. It is difficult to be happy unless one is good-looking, intelligent, rich and creative.
2. People will probably think less of me if I make a mistake.
3. If I do not do well all the time, people will not respect me.
4. If a person asks for help, it is a sign of weakness.
5. If I do not do as well as other people, it means I am a weak person.
6. If I fail at my work, then I am a failure as a person.
7. If you cannot do something well, there is little point in doing it at all.
8. If someone disagrees with me, it probably indicates he does not like me.
9. If I fail partly, it is as bad as being a complete failure.
10. If other people know what you are really like, they will think less of you.
11. If I don't set the highest standards for myself, I am likely to end up a second-rate person.
12. If I am to be a worthwhile person, I must be the best in at least one way.
13. People who have good ideas are better than those who do not.
14. I should be upset if I make a mistake.
15. If I ask a question, it makes me look stupid.
I went through the quiz and came to a score of 59. (and that was being conservative) 54 or higher indicates a high level of self-criticism and perfectionism. 39 is average and 24 or less indicates a low level of self-criticism and perfectionism.
So how did everyone do? I'd love to hear some of your scores. C'mon...I shared mine...
Okay...onto my other topic of the day: Meagan Fox. She does nothing for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah - technically she's gorgeous, but her portrayed image just comes across as so vapid, shallow, and lacking personality that her physical beauty is completely negated. When I hear a fellow man gasping through barely restrained wanton desire the many perceived wonders of Ms. Fox, I know that man does not place much value on intelligence, personality, charm, poise, and other non-mammalian traits of attraction. Give me Kate Beckinsale any day over Fox. Beckinsale's (or at least her portrayed image) the kind of woman who can kill the undead in skintight black leather, go frolicking on the beach with you, laugh at your stupid jokes, move you to write songs and lay waste to countless villages, and still tuck the kids in at night while saving energy for quality time with her man. Hmm....wouldn't it be ironic if in reality both Fox and Beckinsale were nothing like their images -- or even reversed? (and when I talk about portrayed images, I don't exactly mean the roles they play in movies, but rather how they come across as real people) Regardless, I'm sticking with Becks.
Oh, and let's not forget Fox's little comments about how she wishes Megatron (the villain from the Transformers movies) would blow up middle America with all it's Bible-thumping rednecks. I don't have her exact quote handy, but if you replace all the descriptors she used pertaining to many average Christians in this country with words that describe terrorists or a random minority group, her statement would have been heralded as racist, immoral, unconscionable, and stupid. But thanks to our cultures wacky double-standards, it's still totally cool to say bad things about Christians and "middle America." After all, they just "cling to their guns and religion".....wait a minute, Fox didn't say that part....who was that again? Oh yeah...
A few more random comments before I go:
1. I've found recently that it is actually EASIER for me to run the hotter and muggier it is outside. I've always been unable to run in cold weather - harder to breath, the throat burns, nose runs, muscles ache and feel lifeless. Perhaps the warmer, more humid air helps keep my body loose. This could help particularly with my chronic sciatica problems. Whatever it is, this recent heat wave of 90 degree temperatures has me bursting with energy each time I go for a run.
2. Salmon could be the perfect food. There's nothing bad in it and each fillet (at least the one's in the freezer) has about 40 grams of protein! For someone as health conscious and mildly-addicted to working out as me, that's a gold mine! Last night I made an amazing salmon salad -- and normally I don't care for meat mixed with vegetables in salad-form. It was so good I ate the leftovers for breakfast this morning -- and I just might make it again tonight!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Housecleaning and Best Fight Scenes
First - the housecleaning:
1. If you want some good insight on the evils of socialized health care (which is essentially what government run health care is), I suggest reading anything Stuart Varney has to say on the subject. He's an excellent journalist who lived in Great Britain and experienced socialized/nationalized/whatever term you prefer health care firsthand. Now he sees it coming our way.
On a personal note, while I have complained about my health insurance rates going up in recent years, I still do not want to see my provider run out of business by an undercutting government program. If there's a new massive government program out there at a cheaper rate, corporations are going to look at the numbers and start dumping Blue Cross Blue Shield and other private providers. Just like in The Office when they made Michael Scott pick the cheapest plan for his branch (but then he gave the duty to Dwight, who picked the worst plan imaginable). Also, it would be expected for the government (especially this government) to offer incentives to corporations and other groups to join the new government plan. Sure, you can keep your private plan....as long as that private company still exists. (as I often say, you can hardly ever take a politician at their word -- just because they say they're doing one thing, doesn't mean it's true. When some scam artist is bilking a kindly grandmother out of her life savings, he doesn't say "hey, I'm going to steal from you now." Instead he says "Oh, no, I'm not stealing from you - I'm here to help. That's just silly talk. I'm here to help you!"
As BCBS and others lose corporations, they have to find a way to stay afloat. So, perhaps they make up their losses by raising individual plan rates (like mine) to the point that we individuals can no longer afford to keep our plans...and are forced to join the inferior government plan. Soon BCBS and its kin are dinosaurs - fossilizing in ancient river beds for future combustion, followed by demonization as the cause of future cyclical climate change which is then politicized and used as a means to gain power and control. Then we face two extremes: Massive over-crowding in our doctors' offices and hospitals as people seek medical attention for every little ache and pain ("I kinda have a headache, I need an MRI") OR rationing of procedures, tests, and exams as government bureaucrats (lovingly called "central planners" by some people not fond of the current administration) make the decisions on whether or not you are deserving of such care.
2. Hmm....I wrote the previous part of this several days ago...now I've entirely forgotten what the other "housecleaning" issues were....
Okay -- onto the Best Fight Scenes. Recently I took part in a random discussion about the best movie fight scenes. These could be considered for a variety of reasons - such as the action itself, the characters involved, length, comedic factor, etc. Here are some of the favorites (in no particular order):
1. (They Live) --- Roddy Piper versus Keith David -- a cult-classic 80s sci-fi/horror movie about alien invaders who look like humans and whose true hideous appearance can only be seen when one is wearing cool-for-the-80s black sunglasses. These two have a ridiculously long fight-scene that harkens to Piper's day job as a pro wrestler.
2. (Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith) -- Obi-Wan Kenobi vs Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader --- the epic duel that ultimately leaves Anakin's charred and limbless form lying beside a river of lava remains one of the few things George Lucas has gotten right in the last couple of decades.
3. (Fight Club) -- Edward Norton vs himself (literally) --- Norton's character beats himself up in order to keep his annoying boss off his back...and also bilks the company out of a nice settlement. I'm sure there are millions of us who have seriously considered pulling this stunt, but never had the guts to go through with it.
4. (Fight Club) -- Edward Norton vs Jared Leto --- Ah...there's something so satisfying about seeing pretty boy actors getting their fictional faces smashed.
5. (Snatch) -- Mickey (Brad Pitt) vs Gorgeous George --- George is a trained bare-knuckle boxer who gets knocked out cold by one punch from Mickey the unassuming gypsey. Good times. Excellent director's work, in my opinion.
6. (Happy Gilmore) -- Happy vs Bob Barker -- how can one not enjoy the octogenarian Price Is Right host trading punches (and crass one-liners) with Adam Sandler? It's just the kind of silly fantasy young men would dream up while goofing around in the backyard: "Hey! Wouldn't it be awesome if, like, Adam Sandler fought Bob Barker?" "Oh dude! That's awesome!"
7. (Snatch) -- Mickey vs whoever-he-was-fighting-at-the-end-of-the-movie -- I can't recall who the opponent was, but the brawl that Mickey was intentionally losing only to ulimately win at the last second and complete his revenge against Bricktop is another fantastic element to a truly great film.
8. (Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace) -- Obi Wan and Qui Gon vs Darth Maul --- while the rest of the movie was largely a disappointment (and dismal commentary on George Lucas' handling of one of the most beloved franchises of all time), the lightsaber duel at the end was worth watching. Unfortunately two of the only three cool characters in the entire movie are killed off.
9. (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade) -- Indy vs a bunch of Nazis on a moving tank -- One of my all-time favorite movies has a really under-appreciated scene where Indy must rescue his father from inside "the belly of that steel beast" (a pre-WWII era tank). Indy hangs by his satchel from a cannon-barrel, he shoots through multiple Nazi soldiers at the same time with a Luger, he even leaps off the thing at the last second just as it goes over a cliff. What more could you ask for? (besides a 4th Indy movie that wasn't epically ruined by Lucas, Spielberg, and Shia LaBeouf)
10. (Lord of the Rings) -- Gandalf vs the Balrog --- Go ahead. Say the line. Surely you've had a few drinks and stood in front of the bathroom door and said to your buddy "You shall not pass!" Okay, even I haven't done that. Anyway, my inner dork really likes this confrontation. Also I immediately think of the Family Guy episode where Mr. Herbert (a.k.a. - the perverted old man) says the line to a giant, evil, living tree that is attacking Chris Griffin (or whom Herbert once called "the muscly-armed paperboy").
11. (Predator) -- Ah-nold vs the Predator -- "You are one ugly...." As if this classic didn't have enough memorable lines ("Get to the chopp-ah!") and scenes, who can forget the epic slugfest between a mud-encrusted Arnold (still in his prime) and one of the greatest movie aliens of all time? There is actually something in the male DNA that prevents us from ever growing bored with this movie. Seriously.
12. (Anchorman) -- the news-team gang battle royale -- without this scene the movie is significantly less funny. Steve Carrell's character kills a guy....with a trident....after that he lays low for a while.
13. (Monty Python and the Holy Grail) -- King Arthur vs the Black Knight -- "it's just a fleshwound!" And I don't think I need to say anything else.
14. (300) -- Spartans vs innumerable hordes of Persians -- Isn't the whole movie basically one big awesome fight scene? It's impossible to pick just one scene or particular fight. So, I'm lumping all the fight scenes together for the purposes of this list. Prepare for glory!
15. (Kill Bill Part 1) -- The Bride vs The Crazy 88 -- Though I haven't seen this movie in at least 5 years, I can still recall this brutal and very Tarantino-ish bloodbath as being an excellent fight scene. Extra points for the hot-girl-with-a-sword angle.
16. (The Bourne Ultimatum) -- Jason Bourne vs motorcycle guy -- This fight scene set a new bar for realistic and gritty action filmmaking. A hallmark of Bourne movie fights is that, as in real life, the winner of the fight rarely walks away unscathed. There were several other amazing Bourne fight scenes I could include on this list...but I'm confused as to which movie they were in and who he was fighting and why....one was in an apartment against another assassin....hmmm.....
17. (Troy) -- Achilles vs Hector -- two of the ancient world's greatest warriors do battle at the gates of Troy, regrettably one must die. I still can't stomach the end of the film, however, when worthless, conniving, no-good Paris/Orlando Bloom shoots his little arrows. If I'd be directing that movie we would have changed the story around a little more and none of that crap would have happened!
18. (Gladiator) -- Russell Crowe vs anyone put in his way -- I can't even begin to sort through all the great fight scenes in this one. So, I won't bother. You've seen the movie. You know what I mean.
Okay....I'm out of top-of-the-head and stolen-from-the-discussion fight scenes. Feel free to add your own and even rank them if you wish. I'm positive there are dozens of great ones I've neglected to add.
1. If you want some good insight on the evils of socialized health care (which is essentially what government run health care is), I suggest reading anything Stuart Varney has to say on the subject. He's an excellent journalist who lived in Great Britain and experienced socialized/nationalized/whatever term you prefer health care firsthand. Now he sees it coming our way.
On a personal note, while I have complained about my health insurance rates going up in recent years, I still do not want to see my provider run out of business by an undercutting government program. If there's a new massive government program out there at a cheaper rate, corporations are going to look at the numbers and start dumping Blue Cross Blue Shield and other private providers. Just like in The Office when they made Michael Scott pick the cheapest plan for his branch (but then he gave the duty to Dwight, who picked the worst plan imaginable). Also, it would be expected for the government (especially this government) to offer incentives to corporations and other groups to join the new government plan. Sure, you can keep your private plan....as long as that private company still exists. (as I often say, you can hardly ever take a politician at their word -- just because they say they're doing one thing, doesn't mean it's true. When some scam artist is bilking a kindly grandmother out of her life savings, he doesn't say "hey, I'm going to steal from you now." Instead he says "Oh, no, I'm not stealing from you - I'm here to help. That's just silly talk. I'm here to help you!"
As BCBS and others lose corporations, they have to find a way to stay afloat. So, perhaps they make up their losses by raising individual plan rates (like mine) to the point that we individuals can no longer afford to keep our plans...and are forced to join the inferior government plan. Soon BCBS and its kin are dinosaurs - fossilizing in ancient river beds for future combustion, followed by demonization as the cause of future cyclical climate change which is then politicized and used as a means to gain power and control. Then we face two extremes: Massive over-crowding in our doctors' offices and hospitals as people seek medical attention for every little ache and pain ("I kinda have a headache, I need an MRI") OR rationing of procedures, tests, and exams as government bureaucrats (lovingly called "central planners" by some people not fond of the current administration) make the decisions on whether or not you are deserving of such care.
2. Hmm....I wrote the previous part of this several days ago...now I've entirely forgotten what the other "housecleaning" issues were....
Okay -- onto the Best Fight Scenes. Recently I took part in a random discussion about the best movie fight scenes. These could be considered for a variety of reasons - such as the action itself, the characters involved, length, comedic factor, etc. Here are some of the favorites (in no particular order):
1. (They Live) --- Roddy Piper versus Keith David -- a cult-classic 80s sci-fi/horror movie about alien invaders who look like humans and whose true hideous appearance can only be seen when one is wearing cool-for-the-80s black sunglasses. These two have a ridiculously long fight-scene that harkens to Piper's day job as a pro wrestler.
2. (Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith) -- Obi-Wan Kenobi vs Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader --- the epic duel that ultimately leaves Anakin's charred and limbless form lying beside a river of lava remains one of the few things George Lucas has gotten right in the last couple of decades.
3. (Fight Club) -- Edward Norton vs himself (literally) --- Norton's character beats himself up in order to keep his annoying boss off his back...and also bilks the company out of a nice settlement. I'm sure there are millions of us who have seriously considered pulling this stunt, but never had the guts to go through with it.
4. (Fight Club) -- Edward Norton vs Jared Leto --- Ah...there's something so satisfying about seeing pretty boy actors getting their fictional faces smashed.
5. (Snatch) -- Mickey (Brad Pitt) vs Gorgeous George --- George is a trained bare-knuckle boxer who gets knocked out cold by one punch from Mickey the unassuming gypsey. Good times. Excellent director's work, in my opinion.
6. (Happy Gilmore) -- Happy vs Bob Barker -- how can one not enjoy the octogenarian Price Is Right host trading punches (and crass one-liners) with Adam Sandler? It's just the kind of silly fantasy young men would dream up while goofing around in the backyard: "Hey! Wouldn't it be awesome if, like, Adam Sandler fought Bob Barker?" "Oh dude! That's awesome!"
7. (Snatch) -- Mickey vs whoever-he-was-fighting-at-the-end-of-the-movie -- I can't recall who the opponent was, but the brawl that Mickey was intentionally losing only to ulimately win at the last second and complete his revenge against Bricktop is another fantastic element to a truly great film.
8. (Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace) -- Obi Wan and Qui Gon vs Darth Maul --- while the rest of the movie was largely a disappointment (and dismal commentary on George Lucas' handling of one of the most beloved franchises of all time), the lightsaber duel at the end was worth watching. Unfortunately two of the only three cool characters in the entire movie are killed off.
9. (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade) -- Indy vs a bunch of Nazis on a moving tank -- One of my all-time favorite movies has a really under-appreciated scene where Indy must rescue his father from inside "the belly of that steel beast" (a pre-WWII era tank). Indy hangs by his satchel from a cannon-barrel, he shoots through multiple Nazi soldiers at the same time with a Luger, he even leaps off the thing at the last second just as it goes over a cliff. What more could you ask for? (besides a 4th Indy movie that wasn't epically ruined by Lucas, Spielberg, and Shia LaBeouf)
10. (Lord of the Rings) -- Gandalf vs the Balrog --- Go ahead. Say the line. Surely you've had a few drinks and stood in front of the bathroom door and said to your buddy "You shall not pass!" Okay, even I haven't done that. Anyway, my inner dork really likes this confrontation. Also I immediately think of the Family Guy episode where Mr. Herbert (a.k.a. - the perverted old man) says the line to a giant, evil, living tree that is attacking Chris Griffin (or whom Herbert once called "the muscly-armed paperboy").
11. (Predator) -- Ah-nold vs the Predator -- "You are one ugly...." As if this classic didn't have enough memorable lines ("Get to the chopp-ah!") and scenes, who can forget the epic slugfest between a mud-encrusted Arnold (still in his prime) and one of the greatest movie aliens of all time? There is actually something in the male DNA that prevents us from ever growing bored with this movie. Seriously.
12. (Anchorman) -- the news-team gang battle royale -- without this scene the movie is significantly less funny. Steve Carrell's character kills a guy....with a trident....after that he lays low for a while.
13. (Monty Python and the Holy Grail) -- King Arthur vs the Black Knight -- "it's just a fleshwound!" And I don't think I need to say anything else.
14. (300) -- Spartans vs innumerable hordes of Persians -- Isn't the whole movie basically one big awesome fight scene? It's impossible to pick just one scene or particular fight. So, I'm lumping all the fight scenes together for the purposes of this list. Prepare for glory!
15. (Kill Bill Part 1) -- The Bride vs The Crazy 88 -- Though I haven't seen this movie in at least 5 years, I can still recall this brutal and very Tarantino-ish bloodbath as being an excellent fight scene. Extra points for the hot-girl-with-a-sword angle.
16. (The Bourne Ultimatum) -- Jason Bourne vs motorcycle guy -- This fight scene set a new bar for realistic and gritty action filmmaking. A hallmark of Bourne movie fights is that, as in real life, the winner of the fight rarely walks away unscathed. There were several other amazing Bourne fight scenes I could include on this list...but I'm confused as to which movie they were in and who he was fighting and why....one was in an apartment against another assassin....hmmm.....
17. (Troy) -- Achilles vs Hector -- two of the ancient world's greatest warriors do battle at the gates of Troy, regrettably one must die. I still can't stomach the end of the film, however, when worthless, conniving, no-good Paris/Orlando Bloom shoots his little arrows. If I'd be directing that movie we would have changed the story around a little more and none of that crap would have happened!
18. (Gladiator) -- Russell Crowe vs anyone put in his way -- I can't even begin to sort through all the great fight scenes in this one. So, I won't bother. You've seen the movie. You know what I mean.
Okay....I'm out of top-of-the-head and stolen-from-the-discussion fight scenes. Feel free to add your own and even rank them if you wish. I'm positive there are dozens of great ones I've neglected to add.
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